Sour Fucking Rain.....

It's Pouring

Sour rains of misfortune saturate my shell-shocked façade,
Hours drain-away so soon; I debate: Why does Hell lock my fate?
Now my Soul is not saved, therefore, I foretell it’s not safe…
For me to subsist on this landscape in which I can’t relate,
Awake at daybreak knowing another day is just another mistake
As I discover the ache sneaking under the cover of shade,
See I’m not Able like the brother of Cain to remain focused…
Since my hopeless brain is ravaged by a strain of strange locusts,
Tenacious fuckers; frantically causing a fury so atrocious
I’m half dead already, so when I boot the bucket nobody will notice,
Or, see me sat in the lotus-position meditating to cleanse cells
Choking on coffin nails as greedy gremlins feed on my entrails,
So much for so-called friends, they disappear in a dark spell,
Then I dwell over “who’s who” in this Town of Babel…
Coz when I roll-up on the ends its difficult to tell;
Which is why I verify by The Holy One we fear from the skies…
Chicks will bleed you dry, then leave w/o a tear in their eyes
Males transform from Boys to Men as they rise to become ogres,
Despising their wives when drunk, then at dawn they lie sober…
As highfliers – buy lovers, Thai brides, plus rookies from Russia,
Fuck a backbreaking occupation frustrating myself for crumbs,
Slave drivers must think I’m 1 of kunta Kent’s Great-grandsons,
Mind battles leave scars internally borne forming terminal misery,
The jail-bars and shackles have vanished,
So why am I not free?
.
.
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links
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=305310
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=305029
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=305292

This was a very interesting read, the flow in this was present but the pace was slower than previous few works of yours. I actually liked this more in parts as it kep attracting attention by words that associated other people and the comparisons showed that you have atleast studied or already have know the concepts and how they can be made to realte to your own piece. You have briefly outlined many issues in this and i liekd that, maybe you can tackle all these issues again at a later date. The closer was also good, a bit like the invisible segragation..or a modern aparthied.
Overall, i enjoyed this piece, a grasping piece of words...very well done.Stay up

Check this link, when you get the minute:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=305352

yeah f;sho. thanx for the look bro. glad you get something out of it... yeah i wanted to slow the flow up some, and give it more density


pz

This is a little bit all over the place, but I liked it. The beginning didn't seem to flow as fluidly as the rest of your piece did, it really started picking up for me here:

Quote:

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See I’m not Able like the brother of Cain to remain focused…
Since my hopeless brain is ravaged by a strain of strange locusts,

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And it stayed pretty impressive from there on out as far as the internal rhyme scheme with the multies goes. I think you were going for this sound at the beginning, but it came out sounding a little bit... hard, I guess, like, the way it rhymed was not as pleasing when you sing it. The words were all too hard, I hope you're getting what I mean, cuz I can't think of a better word right now.

This was an overall good read, a couple of really good lines here and there that set themselves apart, like the one about Kunta Kent's grandson. This line also I liked:

Quote:

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So much for so-called friends, they disappear in a dark spell,
Then I dwell over “who’s who” in this Town of Babel…

---

Though maybe you meant tower of babel, but in any case, you might have done that on purpose, like to say you're in a town that you'd compare to Babel. Anyways, it was a nice read, and though you didn't really stay on any single topic, this was a lot of thoughts kind of jumbled together, it still came out well.

RTF on my Most Recent Piece if you get the chance, I would appreciate your thoughts, you've commented on my work before and you're a good critic.

yeah thanx for the appreciation blood. yeah the joint is all the place. like me....

yeah glad you was feelin that kunts line. ha. and the locusts one. coz certain lines is when i stopped and think for a few more seconds or something.......




and yeah does relate to tower of babel. but Babel. is also an associate of Babylon... hence town.city. of babel. babylon. .


and yeah ill save your oiece and comment tommorow yeah coz time's short . then it be better on feed 2morrow

pz


u know they got cheese called babel...ha

pz