Why'd you return!

I hadn't anticipated what could be created...
and generated, if a mans mind's consumed with hatred
blinded and frustrated in such a state that...
a single glance could get you decapitated
leaving you in angst, a trance while youre waiting
from the anger thats inflated inside him, lets face it...
you cant debate that some brains are tainted
they need restrained and...
................thats when it gets complicated
i couldnt relate to it, till i saw it first hand
when the man i call dad was held in remand
i couldnt understand why he was beating my mam
he claimed that voices commanded him, damn...
was it a scam? a plan to get out of the slam
cos declared insane he was detained for a span...
in the insanitarium... it began and then it ran
till the doctors declared him ok, shook his hand...
he was released, we were told by the police
he couldnt come within atleast 100 feet...
of our street, but all my mam felt was releif
pleased he had recovered, i wanted to believe
but...
i saw the bruises that covered my mother
ive seen him smother her till she's begging her lover...
...to stop
him hitting with one hand, me clutched to the other
that sorta shit sticks, fixed in a brother...
the colour red in my head wasnt fading away
kept remembering the days at night, lying awake
trying not to hate but couldnt mediate my thoughts
i tried to concentrate on the future, but it just seemed forced
ofcourse i wanted it back like before...
but he'd opened a door i cant close anymore
he chose to break the law... can he fuck fool me
his insanity plee is flawed as far as i can see
so now i just ignore him, reality can be tough
but the thruth is, why return? sorry's not enough
theres no trust, its corrupt just like his mind
he fucked my mam up, and that crossed the line
that broke our bind, it redifined who we are
now he's no longer my father, i just wanna rip him apart



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=304669
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=304734

... first OM I read more than 4 lines of and actually made me want to read more in the last 3 months. Then again I don't check OM section much unless I write something n need to leave feed. Basically, same old Dev sick with the multis, internals n all that good stuff. Story line was nice, it all flowed and seemed like nothing was imperfect, now I remember why I used to try to mock your style when I was bad at everything topical.

Nice to see you getting back into the writting thing dev, interesting peice, as I can relate to it. It's goign to be intersting ot see all these writters coming back to SS next Season, should make for some real memerable battles. Looking forward to seeing more from you here in OM, stay up man..

This piece was pretty good.. its just the opening rhyme scheme made me not wnat to read it as much... i think you should use words that sound the same, but dont completely rhyme... because basically every third word in your opening lines was ended with -cated, or -ated.... makes it boring reading the same exact rhyme over and over again.. this problem seemed to be strewn a tad bit throughout teh entire verse.. but was a more seldom as the thing conitnued the style is pretty fuckking dope though, and the vocabulary you worked into it was very good as well.. the emotion was good, as well as the word usage... the topic was eminem-ish.. but you spirnkled mroe emotion into it and made it seem a little more realistic

good job

this was tight, structure didnt really matter to me...its the flow that makes the piece, and you had an aight flow...topic was real interesting, good wording, story line was easy to follow aswell...emotion was there but could have been more developed, deserves around a 7 or 8 outta 10 but it was worth the read

stay up

thanx syanidal, no more mocking i hope, lmao...

bounce, soon as next season of SS starts im in, i no showed a couple of weeks ago so got kicked, but meh im not bothered i couldnt get to a pc to post up... anyways i hope we do battle one week, :)

Deletes the freepost :coolio:

this was coo..... a str8 forward read. no metta coz not needed so ish just flowed right and expressed the drama in as much detail and emotion as to be be noticable. so story came thru well on some real life ish.. ish sum can relate to f'sho. flow structure was tite ......... delivery was ace...... and yeah guess you brought your voice/accent thru well with certain rhymes..

yeah good ish

check out my new ish

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=305206

thanx... ill hit your link up soon

this was real real unique man nice to see your back my dude...this was a nice read and very very emotinoal and this had alot of content that really helped out the feel and texture of this writting.

I hadn't anticipated what could be created...
and generated, if a mans mind's consumed with hatred
blinded and frustrated in such a state that...
a single glance could get you decapitated
leaving you in angst, a trance while youre waiting
from the anger thats inflated inside him, lets face it...
you cant debate that some brains are tainted
they need restrained and...
................thats when it gets complicated
^^
This was good right here the opener was GREAT!.

trying not to hate but couldnt mediate my thoughts
i tried to concentrate on the future, but it just seemed forced
ofcourse i wanted it back like before...
but he'd opened a door i cant close anymore
he chose to break the law... can he fuck fool me
his insanity plee is flawed as far as i can see
so now i just ignore him, reality can be tough
but the thruth is, why return? sorry's not enough
theres no trust, its corrupt just like his mind
he fucked my mam up, and that crossed the line
that broke our bind, it redifined who we are
now he's no longer my father, i just wanna rip him apart
^^
this was a strong finish and had me liking it ALOT!. i read this twice cus it was a nice flow and the metaphors and multies here were good!..


RTF on any link in my sig.

really nice...alot of this drop caught my eye not many things wrong with this...flow was on point for the whole drop and didnt fall at many points of this peice..alot of multies that keep getting better really made this enjoyable for me which made me keep reading...this was fairly creative seein as i dont see this done very often which keeps it not played...keep this up man i really liked it..please hit a link in my sig

back up it goes

really straight peice man - really enjoyed and appreciate this piece right here. flow was immensly good, your concepts were out there, and i loved it. multies were used effectively and your wordplay just added the extra "oumff" if you knwo what i mean. your vocab was present aswell.

overall this was a great read man, keep writing and i'll be looking forward to your future open mics

please RTF in my sig, cheers.