ProjectRhyme: Round One

"Square!" the children would taunt, while she'd build her reports…
…As prefect for the school, Kate neglected to fool around and respected the rules.
The teacher's pet, would even keep a set of weekly tests…
…neatly resting upon the rostrum seated next to her reading desk.
These daily chores retained allure she favoured more than fame or fortune…
…the maze of halls, her quaintly gaunt frame would haunt, became rewarding.
When one day a blaze of auburn, hair would halt our brazen warden…
And bark in a boldly profound, manner “…Wanna show me around?"
Kate duly accepted, moved to the exit looking truly majestic…
"…you must be Sara, the new girl" she asked, assuming correctly.
The red-head gave a stifled “Yeah,”
Exchanged conversation ‘til the tour had ended…
…Where the two had formed a friendship, more authentic, than ANY Kate thought to mention.
They’d meet on the dormant benches, forging an unlikely pair…
…Sara being the socialite with flair and vibrant hair, while Kate was quite the square.
But that was soon to change, as Sara’s influence grew on Kate…
…Bbefore long she’d flirt with boys, with certain poise, and rued the day-
That she’d ever divulged happiness from how she’d build reports…
…Now she’d found acceptance in make-up, and underage intercourse.
Until eventually she fell pregnant,
With the ‘dad’ wanting no part of it.
The thought of her son being raised fatherless, tore her heart to bits.

All she’d ever wanted was a little acceptance from the ‘in’ crowd.
What a waste of a kind young mind.

DaMn.

Replied To: Old Man's, and Feebles last.

Good read, you had a good rhymescheme, and good use of multis, the whole piece really flowed well, the topic is very interesting, and original, I like how you depicted the before part of Kate, then the climax when Sara came into the picture, then the after part, this piece really shows how children can be influenced by the slightest thing in the world, suprisingly this piece had emotion, regarding the topic you wouldn't imagine there to be that much, but you really ended every line with a tint of emotion, this was interesting, and you kept me wanting to read this piece from start to finish, I never got bored reading it, it was a perfect length, you used the right amount of lines to get your point across...

That she’d ever divulged happiness from how she’d build reports…
…Now she’d found acceptance in make-up, and underage intercourse.

This was the strongest line in the whole piece, this really explained what was going to happen to the girl. This was a good piece, and a Good read, Good job man.

If you could return the favor on my om "Killers Metabolism", that'd be great
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=304140
thanks.

Thanks man, I appreciate it.

Fuck y'all for sleepin' on this one ..

This piece was different..ive never seen this type of topic before. i really liked it no doubt. the flow was tight. also the lines were stretched in this they still didnt lack the flow. the rhyming scheme was different based on internals which was really dope. the entire originality of this piece was phenominal i thought. very emotional in this and very descriptive. theres not to much really you could have done to make this piece any better..it pretty much topped all aspects of it really. overall out of 10 this piece needs around a 9-9.5ish. really nice piece. i havent really read your pieces of lately and this was a refreshment to all the things im reading nowadays. when you get a chance can you rtf on my om It Seems, in my sig. much appreciation.

-Peace

Thank you,

Can I get a couple more?

Loved it because it's so true. Peer pressure is worse than ever and affects almost everybody. If people could just stop and accept themselves for who they were, he happy with themselves and not wish to change who they are; we wouldn't have these problems. Good use of imagery at the start. Way to pull through with strong emotion at the end. Good message and an eye opener.......

Peace.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...15#post4809115

baron mynd?? another new name?? wtf man??.. anyways as always the rhymescheme was tight and all, wording was pretty good, a couple of lines kinda seemed stetched to me at times, but it wasnt nothing too big of a problem, fresh read. only prob was I think you should have ended this better.. I mean.. i liked everything in this, and the ending wasnt bad, I just think it could have been stronger. still though nice shit here dude. ok she went from being a nice girl, to a naughty one that had a kid whose father wanted no part of it, I get that, its cool, but I feel it could have been so much more than that, still I liked it.

hit this up for me
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=304681

This was cool, melodic and smooth in transitions. Attention was paid to scheme and word choice, dope. I think the emotion was lacking though, and the story although good, just didn;t have that genuine feel to it. I love the way it is written, and you do so well with these nice conscise drops, I try to peep when you drop. Good shit, just thought it could have held more emotion and had more developed storyline. Although this was probably you rushing to meet some deadline type thing. Always a pleasure to read your stuff man..

Again, Dope peice cam.

I love the way you make your rhyme scheme so dope, without it seeming forced. Again, a deep story piece, your good at telling a story, without making it drag out.
A story thats so true too, its dope how you manage to tell a story with such topical mechanics, and it not seem forced.
I admire you writing.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=304699
^ Feed there? please

Allah - I changed the name here because I think people were just seeing it was another Camarac drop, and praising it for that rather than actually reading it. I like honesty.

Bounce - You were sort of correct, but iut wasnt so much a deadline but my opponent no-showing! I really tried at the beginning, when he had checked in, hence the dope opener, but when it looked like he was no-showing I didnt drag it out any further than it needed to be. Lol.

Good looks, all of you, I'll hit the links if you drop them in here ..

I though something along those lines when I read this cam...

You can hit this
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=304332

or that strange fruit drop in the nominations thread, either would be cool. Thanks in advance