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School life
Black and white notebooks and ball-point pens
The first day of school, might make some new friends
From the 103, dreams to me was a Benz
Or the 3 o'clock bell that sounds when school ends
Lunch room status, we used to roll dice
Bang beats on the tables to see who was nice
Swore we knew it all, didn't want no advice
How unfortunate, some paid the ultimate price
We used to cut class all day, roam around the hallways
With little wooden passes
I remember 6th grade, assembly, shirt with tie
The young little Remedy, wonderin why
I did what I was told to get to junior high
Cuz at that point in time I believed I could fly
Big blue binders, young designer finders
Livin in the world with no rules, high school
Language arts, I sat and wrote darts
My mind ran wild and free like +Young Hearts+
Mathematics, where I based my foundation
Fall to the nation on wack Education
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showpost...6&postcount=12
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showpost...04&postcount=3
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man somebody say something about
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Drop 2 links to a OM that you left good feedback on or this will be closed.
- LeX
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i liked this piece.
the rhymin is simple, the flow is simple, th structure is simple
overall its a simple piece
th concept is gd, and tru
elevate alot tho, gd try, keep tryin, ull get more developed as u go on
leave feed onthis piece plz
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Ok. This was simple but a good read. Brings back the memories of my high school years, wait, I’m still in high school. Lol. Any who, this was an ok drop. It seems you rushed this one, not much giving it a thought. But I like the way you’ve explained about high school. Very Cool, The wording was Ok, could’ve been better, this piece is nothing special just average and a kind of piece just to let your mind flow and feelings release. Overall good job though.
Return the favor by leaving feedback on one of my openmics. Links in sig, thanks.
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technically this needs a lot of work but then again iliked the bare essence of this, the reminising approach you took on this worked to make it feel as if your really talking with the reader na mean. I liked that part. My main advise now would be to work on complexing your verses and pieces by using imagery. Start by using description and try and get into the bare detail of every bone of youe piece. In totallity this was an aight start, just build up from here.
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weak opener, didnt spark the readers interest at all...and just the title of it doesnt draw any appeal to this, other than that you could have developed a more steady flow, aswell as a better way of creating an image for ya concept, wording wasnt that terrible but you could try to use more creativity and more indepth vocabulary, that'll help liven up your words......only thing i was really feeling was the vibe of remembrance
6/10
^i'm in a good mood :)
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not bad, pretty simple and shit, flow was aight at times,, could have used more creativity, but it wasnt bad for what it was, remember the school days and how shit was, I can dig it, I relate to some of it for sure, not bad man, I suggest using a better rhymescheme and shit and being a bit wittier in your lines, but keep dropping man
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"Rules & Lessons in Feedback<< LINK.
I HAVE TO BE HARSH ON YOU ALL NOW.
READ THE RULES.
CLOSED.
Reason: Shit Feedback.
-Brix."
