Writing

Writing


http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/8...roll202da9.jpg


I have my pad ready, & with the pen steady
Writers block already, now my pen is heavy
Writing thoughtful words, or destroying herbs
Its starts just as blurbs, now im connecting verbs
My brain aches, im nervous so my hand shakes
To many mistakes, on a new pad my brain awakes
The words come together, each line keeps getting better
Everything is better, I am intricate with every letter,
Ink without imperfections, pointing in every direction
Writing on past reflections, this is only the first section
Gusts of words come though, emotions from me to you
Past & future come in to view, ink is on the page like glue
This is amazing to hear, the sentences are coming out pure
Words begin to appear, I didn’t write them but they are here
Soon the end will be close, one last time my mind grows
I begin to read over the flows, & the pen and the pad glows

The End.

Link #1
Link #2

Any Feed?

This was pretty creative, Wyte. I felt it, it had damn good imagery and I peep and like the multi's. When I spit, I like to use big vocab and I kind of see you're the same. It was deep and overall, I give it a A. I peeped your battle against domo, and u did pretty straight with that also. Keep it up...Mak

Return the feed on my two O-M's...holla.

A little short, but I liked this... although it all seemed to lead up to something that never happens in this piece, which leaves a bad taste in my mouth. The scheme was likable, I liked the short multies you used for AABB...

Topic is a little overdone, it's just another Lose Yourself kind of piece, but well done anyways... I can't be very critical of this, but I also am not really that impressed since it mostly looks like a collage of borrowed lyrics and ideas... but that's where a lot of lyric writing starts.

Good flow. Keep writing.

this was aight for one of your first drops. try to stay on topic tho, no my dog woke and petted her thing goin on. nah, keep it on topic, and se a bit more descriptions. more imagery, make the reader feel like they're writing the words, not just witnessing the words being written, ya know?

It was good, but you can improve, keep dropping and it will happen.

Upping.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DEF Reaper

this was aight for one of your first drops. try to stay on topic tho, no my dog woke and petted her thing goin on. nah, keep it on topic, and se a bit more descriptions. more imagery, make the reader feel like they're writing the words, not just witnessing the words being written, ya know?

It was good, but you can improve, keep dropping and it will happen.

---

Yeah i changed it up a little.

Upping.

Yea this was a pretty damn good read. U flowed great and stayed on topic. Expand your vocab, but other than that nice shit homie. Stay up.
~1~

this was interesting and pretty interesting
the imagery was excellent throughout
good flow and strucutre, good flow
vocab was nice throughout
rhymes were good...........
the only thing i didnt like was how short it was
but it was still good. good job
keep it up. peace~

This was an aight piece...I think you coulda spent more time on it, to expand, even if its that short. It's on topic, cuz you just writing, no real point...but the vocab and words you used in your bars made sense, so I kept reading. You got a little creativity and a little imagery going on, with some matching metas to join it. It was an aight piece, I think if you expand a bit and work on the syllable count you use in each line, it'll be better...(Structure Wise)

Example: (Just Example nuh)

Your Intro Bar:
I have my pad ready, & with the pen steady
Writers block already, now my pen is heavy

(I would throw getting, in between is and heavy...sounds fuller....or maybe even getting very heavy...depending on how your sounding it out...

Just something to look on...stay up doggy!

Upping.

this was quite a good peice, I enjoyed reading it, and didn't get bored at all. I know you're relatively new to topical writing, so this is quite impressive, I think if you keep elevating you could be come a very good writer. There are a few things wrong with this though, you didn't have enough emotion in this, I like a peice with a shit load of emotion, I like to know what mental state the writer was in when writing huis or her peice. yo also lacked description and metaphors, it just seemed a bit bland to me, as if you weren't even enjoying writing this peice. plus, you're vocab was dull at best...it was also too bland and not even nearly complex enough for my liking. but on the lighter side of things,you did have a lot of very good mulite strings, which helped the flow a lot, you obviously have a lot of potential, and I hope you realise that potential, read SS verses, and take all advice that you are given <----that's what is going to help you elevate, also try new styles until you find one that suits you, you have to be original.......keep at it.