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Valentine's Day
February 14, 1929
Valentine’s Day, love and gratitude flow through the atmosphere
No need for deception or fear, for love will appear and persevere
Police officers take off or volunteer to work the double shift
Either way it’s a gift, for its Valentine’s Day there’s no mischief
Even gangsters get the jiff, or you would so call think
But on this day, black and blue have vanished, blood was the ink
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Stuffing his face with chocolate, Capone picked up the phone
All that was heard was the dial tone, the words were unknown
Money delivered in abundance, running alcohol during prohibition
“Bugs” wasn’t paying commission,
Stepped out of position, now demolition is Capone’s only mission
Gather extra ammunition, for this night not a soul will be left alive
When the police arrive, if a body’s revived, you better pray to survive
Now contrive and be gone, but stick to the master plan
Go to the tailor and get the police costumes to expand
Then pick up the unmarked van, load everything in with forethought
If caught, keep his name out your mouth or be filled with distraught
His emotions became overwrought, then he left for Florida in a hurry
His alibi is set, so if those stupid whyo’s got caught he had no worries
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The van pulled up at the garage, except for “Bugs” all his men were there
The plot was unfair; the phony cops strutted in blowing smoke in the air
Completely unaware, “Bugs” men thought they were busted for running alcohol
The cops words were said with enthrall, as the men piled up face against the wall
There was no brawl, the men without resistance followed the directions
The handcuffs were placed on all seven men without a tad of inspection
The plan worked to perfection, they chuckled, called in the two plain clothed men
Gave them time to say their amen’s then let rounds enter their skin again and again
After about hundred shots, the men lied in a bloody pulp on the blood stained floor
Neighbors heard the gunshots, looked out their windows after locking the front door
The phony cops walked out with the plain clothed men arrested for everyone to see
And that’s what went down in history as the St. Valentine’s Day mystery
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A couple hours later, actual officers arrived at the scene
A man made machine, the fuckin site was brutal and obscene
No where near routine, with no witnesses this was going to be an impossible case
All of a sudden a heavily breathing man budged with blood all over his face
In less then five minutes, the man was laying in a hospital bed
Cops filled with dread, if this man dies then their case is dead
The next morning the man picks up his head, looks around with bloodshot eyes
Says in a bold matter "I’m not gonna talk" puts his head back down and dies
http://www.chicagohs.org/history/cap...f/massacre.jpg
-This is all actual and factual information
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I liked this sort of. The only thing that seemed half ass was emotion. Imagery was good but set a blurry veiw over the whole thing which gave it a better feeling. Vocab was good, flow was okay. Overall an okay piece.
Overall - 6.5/10
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I was really feeling this piece. The imegry and creativity of it were what pulled me into it and made me keeep reading. Flow structure and vocab were all good. Overall this was a good piece, and i really liked it. Good Job, Keep writing.
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I realy felt this piece. the imagery was done to almost complete perfection for real son. the description of the entire piece was ill and came consistently for the entire piece. the flow was strange but it kept me reading. unique..the topic was real unique and original. i dont think ive ever seen anyone do it on that. the vocabulaary was simple in the odd place but it still seemed to fit with the rest of the piece. again yo. i liked it alot. the only thing id up on would be the emotion in it. overall a 9/10
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Nice piece. Great emotion. You really made it stand out by using a ton of multis in there, which added to the wordplay and vocabulary in there. The plot was nice, and I liked the title. I had no idea what it was about, and if I hadn't of read this, I would've expected some love story or something.
el poeta was right, you're really elevating. Nice piece.
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Word, thanks for the feed everyone
Uppin for more
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Alright this was a good drop. I'm liking the imaginary and detailed words you put in. I'm loving the emotion you've grasped in the character in your piece, you've expressed it in a nice way. The concept is cooL, you could've approached in a different way but the way you've approached the Topic and the actual event is cool. The transation in your verse was good, loving it. What I don't lyke is that you've spaced out your paragraphs, when you could've put in more details. It seemed that you've rushed, but didn't take any patience in your verse. overall Nice drop.
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This to me was an excelant piece, I don't usually like this kind of topic, but as it was a real event, i loved it, every line described perfectly with a great flow with the multis used, i felt this was a very origionally placed piece, topic wise, and our choice of wording, you said your not a poet, but ia ctually saw a few poetic trates in your lines dude... the structure of the piece i felt was very creative and used very effectively to create an eray feel. for a 17 year old i feel you write beond your years, your very talented and i respect that alot as a writer... well done man, i really enjoyed this read.
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Wow this was a ery interesting piece here. I see you have come a long way in your topical writting. I like your rhymescheme & your good use of vocab. The topic was also well choosen. You really stuck to the topic throughout the whole piece. Very good imagery was put into this piece also. That is what make's an OM, is it's imagery & keep's your OM interesting to read. This was a really good read through out the whole piece. This was well done. Kepp it up..
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I can't front at all...shit was dope...exceptional imagery from top to bottom. I don't know if its the way that you detailed the story or just the fact that I am familiar the incident that made reading it such a vivid and easy transition. Ither way this verse had a very cinamatic quality to it, the entire time I spent reading it I had a black in white mobbster movie visual running rampet through my head. "So what do you say ey? I'm not going to sing to no coppa see. I'm a gangsta!" Type of shit was going on in my mind. LOL. I don't know what else to say. You did your thing, like always. Can't wait to see the next installment. My Jimmy Hoffa will appear. Who knows?
peace!
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this shit was straight yo, had all the components of a great peice written all over it. nice, id rate it about 8/10. keep up the great work man.
return the favor with some feed for my new OM "One Last Wish". The link is in my sig. cheers and g/l.
