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My Birthday...
aiite this summit i jus wrote now while i'm mashin.. tell me wha cha all think,
U caused so much pain, made me suffer for time
I paused so much rain, text made me tuffer in rhymes
Yeah i’m a lover for nines, i don’t wana see my brother in crimes
But 4 show i kno that there’s another in line...
...he gets jailed up.. hmm i feel gutter is shine
why my mother always lyin? She got my brother doin time
only if i was cold hearted then i wudda shove her inside
... ... ...
clock ticks & hits 12.a.m.. Happy Birthday 2 me
everyday like any other, but 2day like another hurt day for me
like a bullet penetrated deep, like the clouds is cryin
i try & scream for guidence, speak! But my sound is dyin
who can hear me i’m weak, will i ever be found for tryin...
... ... ...
so i jus sit back wit my mates & continue rollin blunts
huh! That muthafuka chokin cunts, feelin dem smokin stunts
my secrets continue 2 stay buried...
...2nite i ent provokin much...
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i'ma post em up 2moro .. :( sorry..
i'm really tired...
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The title told me it was gonnna be some happy concept or club shyt. Instead it was filled with pain described with deep imagery. Oh yeah and you had sum tight personification.
"clock ticks & hits 12.a.m.. Happy Birthday 2 me
everyday like any other, but 2day like another hurt day for me
like a bullet penetrated deep, like the clouds is cryin
i try & scream for guidence, speak! But my sound is dyin
who can hear me i’m weak, will i ever be found for tryin..."
my favorite part, it summed up everything.
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this isnt bad, but u were too basic with wording and rhymes, u need to elevate, read a dictionary, make some hard ass ryhmes, and some mean vocabs in it, also use ets n multies, helps with the quality
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Good Shit
i try & scream for guidence, speak! But my sound is dyin
who can hear me i’m weak, will i ever be found for tryin...
damn I feel that line right there.....this shit was real dope....kind a personal......I could relate to that feeling and imagery in this piece....though the words were simple and straight to the point you don't need big words for a piece of this stature....I feel as though this was a great piece...
Ladee Snypah ___________________----KEEP ELEVATEn----_________
http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e1...frhjeftdef.jpg
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Really good.
Keep it like this.
You definatly one of the good Female MC'S.
9-10
Keep it up.
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This was a good peice....When i saw the title i thought it would have been more on the happy side but i thought wrong this drop turned out to be more painful and thats what i like creativity and different looks at topics....rhymes were good, flow was too, nice and smoothh...complexity,vocab, and imagery was nice...overall this was a good read..very enjoyable..keep it up...you got sick talent..peace
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Yea, basicly the same as plain thug. When I saw the title, I thought "Wow, finnally a positive peice in OM.", but as it turned out, this was a sad peice. I liked it overall, I just dont like it when people type in dialoge, it makes it harder to read and understand. It was deep though you were kind of replacing the same thought at the begining. Im so sorry if this is true. Hopefully, something good will happen? You should make a sequal to this, except next time please dont write it in dialoge. Nice drop.
Check my newest peice, (Not in sig yet)
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dopeness
to short tho if u could keep this going it would be so much doper
flowed nicely
vocab was real good
easy to read
but this was off a bit there was real good parts but then some were off
but thsi was dope
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V.I.G - thanx b
r!PpER - no comment!
Data-Ntry - :D
TopP1aya - coolio
Plain-Thug, Jonathon, Reflexion i appriciate tha feed guys thanx.. :thumbsup:
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i liked this joint right here it was alot diffrent that i imagined i thought it was gonna be about like a birthday party not all sad a shit like it was...i liked your imaganive out look...and the storyline...good verse...~1~
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thanx grim :)
upps...................
