Journey of wisdom - Words of the Profit

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=278270
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=278899


Journey of wisdom - Words of the Profit

Considered to be profit, knowledge; I unlock it
My mental diagnotics cant be found in any college
Broken ebonics, untampered bondage; unequal rhyme sense
chemical warfare equates to bio nonsense
Diodes harmin, the health of young ones; loved ones
disform from anomolies, composed from governmental funds
expose to ions, supressed my visions; a hex invision
Suitation critical; now I'm bed ridden
My whole decision, instead of prison, jail time im ditchin
incorporate investing, complexin, but never confessin
Upon the guilty, who remain unamed, i put the blame
On the stressed out fiends who's block remains unclaimed
Leads to court case proceeding, uncongested pleading
Of innocense, their inner sense, contaimentated, by hatred
the lost players, evasion, falsfications by leaders
impoisen hatred, ungifted speakers, presdent? I vote for neither
Mobilality, give to charity, increase the pieces
a greater thesis, this species, was doomed through fecies
every since from the born a seed to brethen
I'm profession, no proclaimin, that all laymen
stop makin babies, & leave the sin down deep in haties
No ifs, &, buts or maybes, this supplemental, to greater living
No inventions, or unblessed decisions, may guide your life
Take this in strife, man marry wife, and have the babies
Unity and respect for the ladies
Respect the voice of the GOD, and hear his voice cry
Tear, joy, and honor, speak the truth, lie elude you
& rip as the soul to confuse you, expose flukes

nice drop AB, and nice topic. you picked a good topic, and you stucked with it. your wordlay was nice, and your structure was good. 9.8/10. keep writing pz.

nice drop antonio. nice wordplay and story man. keep writing

top

Hmm.. The topic was promising.. However, I didn't expect how you approached it. I think you could've done a lot better.. I mean some of the words aren't even real words.. That or there are just some big spelling issues. Flow was good.. I mean.. I dunno.. I just didn't really feel it. I think you could've written a really nice story to this.. Twisted it all over with the vocabulary and knowledge you are showing here... But you didn't... Promising though.. I'll look out for some more of your stuff..

Check out.. http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=280034

Peace

ok this was a iight piece but you could have done a lot more with it.Some of the lines looked as if they were fillers.Your structure worked I guess....and flow was good but I never really got into it.It kind of dragged on and in the end it became a bit boring.I did not expect that at all from you,you usually have promising pieces.I know for a fact you can do better so I will be looking out for your next piece

was a very good piece, i just got sucked in only by reading first 2 lines so u keep it interesting the whole time, vocabs n rhymes were good, nice structure, nice creativity, keep it up

Thanks for yall feedback...

:)