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ok ok this was a good piece.First one i've read fro you and I have to admit I enjoyed it.Structure was good but could have been a lil bit better but it wasnt bad by any means.You just needa tify it up a bit.As for the verse itself was good,was a bit short and would have been good if you added a little more to it.
Not on a equal plateau with my question of peace I seek on wrong levels.
Power I possessed yet embezzled rotted away and sifted from this devil.
^I liked this line.Dope
Overall I would give this a 7/10 nice piece would have been good if it was a lil bit longer.Nice Piece
I really loved the content itself. To me everything was very creative and beautiful, the flow was very steady and what not. The metaphors used though were definately my favorite part of the piece, I mean, when things strike me as original and creative then that's really something because most thoughts have atleast crossed my mind once, if only for a brief moment, but when I read this I kind of followed your lyrics with a virgin mind. Your poetic style was very noticable in this piece, the entire drop could easily be re-posted over in the PS forum as a poem and gain just as much praise, if not more, than you're soon to recieve in this forum. My only complaint was the structure... Because of the way you ended almost every line with a period it made the read very stop and go which to me killed the chance of giving this piece a true "hip-hop/OM" vibe, but rather just simply made it into a poem in my eyes regardless of the flow. But I mean, that's very minor and just my personal opinion... Most wont have a problem with the structure, it's just my poetic influence that got in the way with this read. None the less, this is a very beautifully crafted piece man.
Illus' I've just been reading your feedback left on link two and it was god awful. You need to be setting an example, man. Please do not leave feedback like that again. Or I'll have to close your piece. Help me out, man. OM need sto be making progress.
I almost cried reading this. Your imagery and conception was beautiful, and your intellect is completely out of the ordinary, which is great. I love reading your piece Bio. Its not like you write alot of OM's, but its that when you drop 1, it is always magnificent and I love it. You ARE probably the 3rd best topical head I've seen, and I know of many. Brixton is great, Edicius, BTK, Bounce, K, etc. But you, you are different. And you should be proud of that.Quote:
confined answers eager to find as my mind is shackled in an asylum.
Fire brimstone singes my bones answer unknown need antidote to triumph.
Desolated with disturbances for days through water complex ways.
Tribulation flowin been woven in the strings of an ocean lost by waves.
Path is never paved. Frustration forces me to rage. I’m caged
ama slave hazed now violent ways forces my soul to engage in crusades.
Things never change. Tested day after day. Question unsolved.
Now glutton into a violent slob, battle after battle made me evolve.
Hence I'm always livid. Sick to my stomach a repetitive spirit sinning
yet I’m forgiven. The beginning of this war I've been timid.
Why isn't the key to peace just given.
Every war the key is hidden crushing my existence yet I wait patiently
My war is like an ocean in the darkness flowing gracefully,
waves that of a desert projecting stillness seems to glow peacefully.
Yet camouflage a mirage as I battle serpents, scorpions in dead heat
Quote:
Originally Posted by D.H.Brixton
I apologize I was in class..
However I left more feed there
I'm in another class so I can't
leave great feed however I left more.
peace..
and ty for the feed that was left from everyone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben N. Cyder
wow thanks a bunch I neve knew u felt
that way about my pieces.
Thanks a bunch you made my day.
Up...
Loved your creativity. The vocab was very good, I love reading people's pieces that have the same style as me. Always a pleasure to read somebody who is educated, and knows what they are talking about. This piece was real, and focused.
9/10
Lol, *hugs you*. Oh and feel free to leave feed on the OM in my sig, whenever you get a chance is fine bro.Quote:
Originally Posted by Illus'Artis
i loved it b it lacked no creativity.... the structure was nice everything nice drop its the first one i've read and it was nice
Thanks for the feed peeps...