here to entertain no one who cares

HOOK: I've given you my life,shared with you my tears.
do more than just write, but project movies through your ears.
sacrificed my privacy/obviously it wasn't enough....im wilden/
giving you my greatest hits and thats every song i do on my album.

(i cant please everyone in the world all at the same time/
but i can please some and those are the few that understand why i rhyme.)

pour the ink to the pages/discribe who i am in through all my stage's.
only a few can appreciate this,
but it seams my minimum wage's the only thing that's ageless.
i was 13 when i decided to make this a career/
spitting 16's i was ahead of my time by atleast 3 years.
lyrically i wasn't inclined but inclined to build myself lyrically/
mentally my brain depth display more strength then most physically.
resite philosophy/out of spite i bring light to atrocities.
settled undevelop animosity/ so i can't picture defeat obviously.
possibly, this won't my destiney and if not i understand/
but my futures behind a pen i'll take destiney by the hand.
over 5000 song's writ/ and most don't give a shit/
that's cause most of you i list/aren't shit/or half as good as me and pissed.
you FOKISS(focus) about as good as a ford/ i'm on a different Accord/
even if most brains are sponges my flows to much to absorb.
poetics, sarcasm, terrets spazms, and arrogance in my ginetics/
with enough flows to satify the thirst of diabetics.
how do i discribe my style to the excentric and pathetic?
esoteric phenetic my potential 's kinetic oh man forget it.
my buisness it to enterain idiots with oxymorons/
the chances of understanding me are like trying to find jesus in the qu'raun.
i've write ill rhymes weather im weathered or sick/
prick my fingertips and used the blood to script the verse with.
and the sad thing is out of the 1000's that see my rhymes each day,
only 5 or 6 will actually have something to say.
but listent to the commercial rapper cause he's paid/
or because he exploits a style that has already been played.
damn there aint a million eminems but want wish they could be/
there aint a million nas's just a million remixes on cd's/
there's only one krs rakim or jay-z/
if you loved them for who they love for meshould be a gaurentee.
the new fad must be hip hop fag cause most of you be riding dicks/
riding clicks, like your street appeal are some gang bang flicks.
but like your acid dealers im the one delivering hits.
realisticly im an optometrist nobody can see/
contradicting myself cause i make music for you but do it for me.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=267806
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=267776

This peice was a pretty good read to be honest and your vocabulary was outstanding good job on that but there was a few downfalls in your peice, one of them was that you used alot of vocab though it was outstanding it brought this peice down a bit, i got bored for a few seconds while reading this because of it also the structer was horrid but there was alot of good points about this peice to one of which was the emotion put into it was excellent which is what caught my eye the whole time while reading. anouther good point was the way you expressed the way you feel through rhymes which to me is always a plus, overall i liked this peice good work. there are a few things you could work on too, structer is one, and you had alot of typo's too if you actually take heed to my advice and work on the things i mentioned i think you could do real big things, plus with your vocabualy being the way it is i can tell your smart. so be smart and work on those thing mentioned above. Good job

i really agree wtih /\
one thing though, while i feel the begining was real strong you kinda started to fall off
nice work though keep it up

i appreciate the comment but show me the point where you feel it falls off cause im trying to catch it.

yo i liked this peice. you had so many metaphores an punches torward your readers. i think that should make more of them leave feed but they ain't doin it. they probably don't understand what your sayin cause they illiterate or somethin but i liked it an it made sence to me cause peeps do the same shit. it don't matter what you talk about they think they can do better. oh yeah it flowed really good peace out

Upping And Thanks For Da Feed

flow:10
structure:9.5
stickin 2 topic:10
overall:10........holla!

upping this for content

you can tell you have alot of emotion invested in your words...but you need to use better words to express them...

But overall it was tight.

5/10

Don

this piece was real deep in details..... the flow was on point ... the structure was okay..it was amazing with the vocabulary,also had good imagry, this piece was also very emotin, the concept was clear to read...good drop fams......8.9/10

woRD^

thank you i new this would get mixed reviews

upp

the flow was dope. the hook was meh. the structure was all fucked up ahaha no hate. i didnt really feel the topic you chose. the imagery was alright i guess needed some more descriptions in there. the vocab grab was kinda sloppy but still pretty decent. the overall feeling of this was about a 7.5/10. ill give you a 8.5/10 for this. nice rhyme scheme though. keep droppin.

-Peace.

well thanks structure isnt my strong point i rely on material this was adressed to the people of this site who want feed but dont drop any we here to elivatenot to act like this issurvival of the fittest.
thanks for you critique did you enjoy the punches?