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Letter for Heather
Letter for Heather
Writing this letter... I'm desperate, distant and bogus, sent with a fistful of withered roses,
I am left with our kingdom, my mistress is hopeless and is now evicted and she's homeless,
I'm lonesome tonight, our thrones sit aligned right where you told 'em to set 'em that night,
The only bonus is the coldness for which I now write, the coldest I've ever dared to resite,
The tight grip on which I hold this pen is my boldest and its the kind of trip that never ends,
It just all blends together, our oldest friends are laughing at me. Never have I told of this,
So I know its you and you must be acting happy, Heather, back when we were together,
We'd endeavour and treasure our pleasuse, forever we kept Heaven in stellar foundations,
Now I'm at the end of the teather and patience because of your predator-like accusations,
All allegations, our once feather-light conversations are all now leather-like confrontations,
Fake and pleather-like but degrading, I am at the edge of a knife with the craving to fall,
Then I'm saved as you call, only to taunt me, you haunt me, you saw me, you caught me,
Say you stalked me, the order of normality was shifting out through the doors of insanity,
And the cause of this tragedy was the core of this man in me, actually, we talked happily,
'Til you threatened to catch me, and that alone is the only fact that brings back my agony,
I think of what happened, see through the black and the white mould into your grey hair,
And think the antique matter that we shared will stay cursed and I will always remain her's,
Worse for wear, I'm hurt and nervous, careless, I'm bare and air-less, burned with curlers,
Hairnet's still bless our bed, caress my head when I sleep, making sure every dream I reap,
Cheap and nasty, but, bastard, its that that keeps me alive in my sleep... Your false teeth,
The insane thought of you without them forced me to throw them out, and then I weeped.
How I'll ever amount to anything more than a lout, a heap, a thief, a clout, a mouth-piece,
A sneak, so weak without you here, fear dying without you, constanlty fearing I am alone,
On my own in this, I bow to defeat, I cannot control this, I'm on my knee's - Again I weep,
My nose leaks, toes peak, Im coldly hoping you accept I threw her out in this cold weather,
Did I ever know better? Never knew anything, Heather, need I accept I've lost you forever?
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Duel of Honour - The People (Johnny 6-Feet; Aeschylus)
Awaking to Reality - Deviate (Crew Battle verse against Illus' Artis)
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Sent links around, looking for some RESPECTABLE feed :)
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18 views and no feedback.... hmmm,
Bump!
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Alright, you left good feed on mine and now I have the time to rtf.
Let me start off by saying, great peice. The multies were definatly your strong point, you added so many, and they all got caught up in the flow, which made no choppyness what so ever, allowing me to follow along with ease. Next was your structure, shit was straight and simple, easy to follow along. Next was your imagiry, again, I think this is right up there when it comes to the different aspects Im looking for, the emotion, the sence I got reading this, just made me think, "hm" then continue as I read. The concept was good, you have concepts Ive never seen before, with the letters, and what not, its mostly a topic when it comes to writing with other people. But with you, its different, its more of an emotion, and inter feeling, that you discribe in a story. I love it.
Overall, great job. I enjoyed this read very much, HoF? Im not sure, Ill debate weather or not, but never the less, great job. Keep it up, Im looking forward to seeing more dropped from you in the future.
Another thing, sorry about me taking so long to rtf, please dont let that effect your thinking of leaving feed on my peices in the future.
Good job man.
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Nominate if you feel it appropiate ;).
Woah at the sleepyness, I left feed around too...
Bump!
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word this a a very dope piece as Po said all the stuff i read from you is a 10/10 the flow was on point the whole time usaully inner rhymes bring down a piece and you used so many but the way you used them made them work you just didnt add random words in there at all everyone had a meaning also the story you had was wow had me reading a couple more times. glad to see we have someone with your callibar in tnl we have to callab sometime ill pm you and we can get on it
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Hmm... 54 views, 2 feedback, the fuck?
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http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=263657
Leave feed please.
I liked this piece.It had a nice flow with the well structured bars.Easy read,because the multies kept the flow going and the story line was nice and right on the point.The emotion and imagery were cool,i felt the emotion really well because of the choice of vocab. you used for this piece.
Here was when i liked it very much and started to get more interested till the end:
Hairnet's still bless our bed, caress my head when I sleep, making sure every dream I reap,
Cheap and nasty, but, bastard, its that that keeps me alive in my sleep... Your false teeth,
The insane thought of you without them forced me to throw them out, and then I weeped.
How I'll ever amount to anything more than a lout, a heap, a thief, a clout, a mouth-piece,
A sneak, so weak without you here, fear dying without you, constanlty fearing I am alone,
On my own in this, I bow to defeat, I cannot control this, I'm on my knee's - Again I weep,
My nose leaks, toes peak, Im coldly hoping you accept I threw her out in this cold weather,
Did I ever know better? Never knew anything, Heather, need I accept I've lost you forever?
Nice man,hope to see more.
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my god that was a crazy nice peace. ( would u mind if i recied that 2 this girl named heather i like cause i think after that she would jus completly fall in love wit me........lol jk) i think this is 1 of those peaces u should have pmed 2 people 2 coment cause u dont want some mc taken dis shit and publishin it an makin money cause dis is nice. Feelin the topic so much these usual long peaces i maybe read 3 quarters then comment but this i had 2 keep reading. Ur flow was perfect on point couldnt be better. Ur vocab was inhanced and vivid. ur struc was great 2 i liked how u made all the lines perfectly even i never seem 2 be able 2 do that. This was a perfect peace some probaly alredy nominated it so i wont bother. leave some feed on my topical lil e's story i would really like ur comment 2 see how i cant elevate 2 be more like u.
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Dope peice hommie
20/10
This peice concpt and everything in it waz dope to the fullest
Don't think nuthin would of mad this better
I think u makin HOF again wit this
I really liked the style u put it in it is dope as hell
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Dope.......good job...stay up
jp....i liked it alot...multies were crazy in this piece which were very good becuase a few spots seemed a lil forced but the multies helped it roll rite along without notice to the untrained eye....;).......vocab was superb and complex...story line was nice aand rhyme sceme was flawless.....beginning had me captured and the end had me missing heather as well...an i dont no why lmao....but very well done.....9/10...keep doin it
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lmao, thank you, man :)
Bumpity!
