love and loss

Don't ever question whether I love you, its my oath.
The both of us are in the same boat of love and hope.
We have our differences, if we don't get along,
We can sort out the equation finding out what don't belong.

Situations occur, the Lord sent me an angel
to strangle with the devil, cause its he who keeps the pain full.
Maybe if the chains pulled me back from this danger,
I wouldn't be obscessed with this beautiful stranger.
She sat on the picnic table by the concessions
of a high school football game, sorrowful depression.
Ordering a hotdog, I sat across the picnic table,
unable to feel the sparks like bad digital cable.
Told a fable to make her laugh, barely cracked a grin,
just a little more than halfway to keep her trapped within.
Let the captain in, I can steer us to the shore,
with just a little fear, cause I've never been here before.
Her favorite colors baby blue, almost same as mine,
She said I'm different than she thought I'd be since she heard me rhyme.
Incline to recline here or lose being single. STOP!
too late, she's like a pringle that I've already popped.

Don't ever question whether I love you, its my oath.
The both of us are in the same boat of love and hope.
We have our differences, if we don't get along,
We can sort out the equation finding out what don't belong.

She's a song in her voice alone, no monotone, its gorgeous
how she speaks without ugliness. I never saw before this
that there's something bliss that exists in all of her actions,
a fraction of its jubilent, the other satisfaction.
She wasn't like this in school, she always seemed deprived
of her surroundings and concentration, its hard to describe.
Her vibe was as positive as a proton to the atom
that grows strong to represent the purpose of this madam.
But we found out a hard fact, I was three years older
and her mother always told her two years was the dating limit.
Concentrating with it, we tried to just be freinds,
but as complicating as it is, thats where it ends.
And the grins ceased to show, the proton's now negative.
Can't pretend I'm on two feet, when noone has the peg to give.

Don't ever question whether I love you, its my oath.
The both of us are in the same boat of love and hope.
We have our differences, if we don't get along,
We can sort out the equation finding out what don't belong.

"I'll try harder, I promise. Someday, maybe it will work. Wipe that tear. yea, I love you, too. I just want you to be happy..."

word - i kno how true tht is

flow - gd
structure - mainly gd
rhymin - loved it
like the piece? - yes

keep it up

can u comment on http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=260481
please

peace

dam! dis wun fukin nice piece of writin... i lurved da rhymin... n da hook went wel wiv it.. da structur wuz gud and it flowed perfectly... gud use of vocabulary 2!
keep up da gud work i enjoyed readin it! 1

yo I was feeling this peice alot this was a good drop your wordplay was real good and everything conected with the wordplay good job I wanna see more pieces like this from you

^^ word this was a tight drop drako I give it a 9.9/10

damn, .1 off!?! lol, jk, appreciate the looks all. I had fun with this one.

uppin

on some real shit i give it a 10. mainly becuz i connect with this style like a r&b rap so to speak. everything was on point. the flow was consistent and rhymes weren't choppy. Keep droppin shit like this . I got one comin soon.

That's a sad story, but I'm sure everyone can relate in someway... nice work, I like your style, this will sound a lil fruity but.. your flow is more of a song than a start stop flow.... good job...

appreciate that, thnx

still uppin, am I doing anything wrong with my song I can improve on? Awaiting feedback, thnx to those who did...

^ now that i re read it i do give it a 10 because there was NOTHING wrong with it...

yo I was feeling this peice alot this was a good drop your wordplay was real good and everything conected with the wordplay good job I wanna see more pieces like this from you.

yo go vote my battle fairly
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=260792