Originally Posted by Verbal Insanity.
3 Cases Of Stigmata...
The Morning:
I awoke like any other day, nothing was different...
Exept a strange feeling that my troubles were all of a sudden distant...
Instinct...told me that it was just the lord blessing me with his glory...
Little did i know i was about to embark on his son's story.
The first stigmata (Nails And Chains):
The hindering chain's in which jesus wept under...prestigious like thunder...
Religious state of pain im under...the pain wraps around my body in anguish...
Nails driven deep in to perrilous, skin trapped like ham in sandwhich...
No. Totally renders the rest of the effect that this piece had.
I manage...to let out a war cry of terror, please lord stop this act of error...
Im feeling your sons tourture and i cant begin to imagine how he coped...
Because this penilising pain...
Is like someone with sand paper shoving it down my throat...
Nope again, doesnt fit well with the story. Using 'like' phrases in a piece like this doesnt go down too good, imo.
Why am i acting as your sacraficial goat...slope...im slipping...
In and out of conciessness my body is tripping...
As i fall back onto my lonely now crimson bed...
I felt an angel watching over me, a presence in the corner as i bled...
Nice last line. Good imagery to an extent.
The second stigmata (Whips)
Hung in a velvet leash...unleashed the brisk ropes across my feet...
Beat...down by an invisible force...dovirced from all scenses... Grammar
Apart from the pain distributed by the tail hairs of a stalion horse...
Whips...ofcourse...the marks on my back to prove it...
Crack...the sound is alike a cowboy getting his cattle to move it... Ruins effect
Who's this...is this god telling me that im a prophet of his son...
Or maybe he's trying to enlighten me to the facT that my time is done...
Spun...out of of control as another whip tore at my soul...cold...
All i can see is darkness like iv'e been sucked into a black hole...
Enrolled...
And rose...as i looked down i could scense the blood on my clothes.
Was ok. Work on your wording - that could have been better, and spelling.
The thrird stigmata: (Crown Of Thorns)
Oh Yeshua Get rid of the explanation here. i feel your blessing rain on in...
I finally accept religion as you inflicted THIS pain on me...
I came to see, that... i love you is my final dissision...intermission Grammar
Violently penitrating my skull,cutting roung my head like circumsion... Bad concept.
Religion...im sorry if i doubted...didn't beleive fully...seductive pully...Pully?
Animosity has left my body...bloody...twelve hail mary's i scream...
Ass i pass out in the middle of the crowded street...weary is my feet...
Obsolete...is my experiences compared to yours...oh mighty...
I understand my beleif's up to now is just luciphers angels deciding to fight me...
'He without sin shall cast the first stone' on my high horse to heaven iv'e found my throne...
Overthrown...evil casted aside...abide...by your laws this time.
