I will leave you for the good of the nation.

I will leave you for the good of the nation.


Poised in my anticipated coffin,
Coughing surrounded by a blanket of smoke
Pollution has participated in scratching down the back of my throat
Black gas proceeds to coat vegetation, as the grass struggles threw pain
The field’s vision blocked with a mist of souls, leaving human remains
It starts to rain, each tear smears blood over a larger capacity
If Religions comforting, how is war the cause of religious audacity
My man and me slump amongst the blood, mud cushions our position

Closing our eyes at every sound,

My body shakes,

The ground brakes,

We open are eyes to see if were living
Answering a devils mission, the enemy loaded with a freedom to roam
But each bullet I take is one less for the innocent waiting at home
I feel so alone, all my friends lost at a cost of a twitch of a thumb
Each trench now represents a country being blown up in years to come
My body is numb, my ears peak to here the call of death
“Up Over the Top”, now ill know if this is right and who’s left
.
.
.
My efforts immense, as the trench has formed an inclined slide
The peeks the divide were I hope for my pried to act as a guide
I take a gulp in my stride, the tears have now dried to my face
My mind turns blank as I enter hells very own work place
I embrace a few figures and proceed to deliver gun fires
I take a few myself a loan stealth until my own health expires
As my body stands cold, I think is this a loyal salvation
And hope I will leave this earth for the good of the nation.

I glanced over it really quickly and you showed me the first part.

I liked how you approached the topic, because you always come at an angle that others usually don't think of at firsthand. I'm rushed against time right now otherwise I'd post a more in-depth feed but overall this peice was pretty good. Prob. OM HOF by lookin at the peices this month. I'll post more later.

yo the way you wrote this confused me some what. it was hot the flow could have been on a better level, it was okay. vocab want too bad, you used good descriptive creative words at time, though in some places it seemed basic


My efforts immense, as the trench has formed an inclined slide
The peeks the divide were I hope for my pried to act as a guide
I take a gulp in my stride, the tears have now dried to my face
My mind turns blank as I enter hells very own work place
I embrace a few figures and proceed to deliver gun fires
I take a few myself a loan stealth until my own health expires
As my body stands cold, I think is this a loyal salvation
And hope I will leave this earth for the good of the nation.

that was my favorite paragraph, nice flow in that one and had more images painted from it as i read

return the feed on my shit
titled: Basement child

But each bullet I take is one less for the innocent waiting at home

^ that line did it for me right there the rest was just like dope .. but that line made me shit myself .. nice drop

My efforts immense, as the trench has formed an inclined slide
The peeks the divide were I hope for my pried to act as a guide

^yo that was smooth as fuck

pretty good piece i guess, i haven't read a topical in awhile but this was rather refreshing to a good lookin nigga, so yea, keep doin them illy topicals & hopefully you can write one about me someday killa k

dat was pretty dope i agree u did come at it real dope u took it to another place n' shit it was also pretty witty, and it flowed real well and it was complex just a overall good om cuz your topic was kinda tough and it was dope cuz it seems like u put alot of thought into it

well did you had good wordplay a good topic ya line's were nice cause while i read i could feel what you meant and it was easy to understand it was different you didn't say lines that everyone else said you were creative and you thought deep it was good keep it up overall 8/10

thanks.

Aw man, got me all depressed 'cuz I was feelin' it. It hit me in that tender spot, the tender spot you had when you was writing it, =).

Anyway it was wonderfully prepared, flow didnt fuck up hardly, and your ideas spewed out in words with a certain movement like a waterfall. Very well done, The ending two lines hit me like *shiver*. lol.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=241510

kthx. And oh yeah, you be droppin' in our battle?