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For Love And War.
For Love And War.
Sheets taken. Dreams shaken.
He's making way for the exit.
She's waiting; Retracing steps.
Foot staying next to his neck.
He awakened with a sword in hand,
and words handled by a cut tongue.
Spoken or swung he brought truth.
Notes broken, pen opening wounds.
Voice swollen, slowly strengths going.
Hope knowing he'd lose hold soon.
Facing death. Embracing depths.
This place is laced with regrets.
Grace pacing, chasing breaths.
Erasing faith with no traces left.
A word. A sword. A cut. A verse.
This is war. Epic. Tragic. Unrehearsed.
A heart. A curse. A touch. A cure.
This is a war. Quiet. Silent. Unheard.
They fought the lessons taught.
Agression bought, while time forgot.
Love lost in rhyme, they thought
the clock stopped, caught in distraught.
Hands choked, emotions evoked.
Notions planned to float, got soaked.
Land close to throats, provoke quotes.
Open letters wrote in coal; stoked.
Those prose known, in flame; spoke.
But burning hearts go up in smoke...
Passion piercing. Intimacy held fiercely.
Near his ear; severe memories screaming.
Hearing her sincere, clearly. Leave merely
the dreary years here, revered desparingly.
A womb. A seed. A wound. A breach
This is war. Breathing. Bleeding. Unwarned.
A man. An angel. A God. A birth.
This is war. Detached. Relapsed. Unearthed.
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ill piece god...very intricate...it was simple but at tha same time very complex....i loved tha wordplay you incorporated in this...i loved tha vocab and complexity....it has some abstract qualities to it....structure was ill....your rhyme scheme was ill....it was very consistent..all in all very nice piece i enjoyed reading,keep droppin tha hottness.~1~
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Two links my man, or it gets closed.
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i liek the way you structured your piece as a whole .. nice layout .. you had some good word play.. but could elevate your vocab a bit.. but you did pretty good i see good potential for you , elevate some more on your vocab and word play and you will be pretty dope...pz
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By reading it, it felt as if though you were goin to a rhythm of some sort. The flow connected well as well as the rhyme scheme. I think the word usage could have been a little more complex thoughm but the flow made up for it. Good piece. Keep elevatin'.
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This was a real nice piece, the reason i like it was because it was different, the structure the emotion in it was real cryptic, you wrote it as if different people would get a different meaning from it.
The vocab and wordplay was fine your flow was nice all the way through, this would make a good audio but obviously youd have to make the piece longer. The only thing i could say to work on was the length of your linesi think they were quite short, so if your gonna start doing audios then try and make your bars longer. Dope piece.
Can you reply to my new thread please id appreciate it:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=205329
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Facing death. Embracing depths.
This place is laced with regrets.
Grace pacing, chasing breaths.
Erasing faith with no traces left.
dope. except you fucked up the syllable count with "laced with regrets". if you'd put "laced regrets" [which wouldn't make sense, i know], then it would been a perfect flow.. still ill though.
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This was very good. Very rhythmic, I noticed, the whole piece revolved around rhythm and the verse seemed to glide of the tongue, as I read it aloud. Incidentally, I don't agree with Lay Doubt, about that stanza he quoted; the line he picked out flowed fine, the way I read it ... I thought the fourth line was more stretched than the second. Regardless, beatifully elequent piece of writing. Really nice.
Nominated.
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thanks jek, appreciate it.
