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(Doper than a Joint)
2 links
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...937post2506937
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...949post2506949
Doper than the joint that ya put in ya weed bitch....HaHa......Yeah
Tear my opponents to pieces, in a stage, like I own it.
They see my skeletons in the closet,
Yet they still call me boneless.
Stone this computer screen, till lyrics cover the screen.
I'm a crazy fucka and it seems,
My father broke the rubber to get me..
You'll be walking on crutches, when I throw punches.
Make this shit tighter,
Than what ya mom packs for ya lunches.
In ya main frame, dopeness and my ideas, in the same brain.
Doper than who you lames name,
Put so much blood into this, I'll stain fame.
They think I lack quality, but these fags follow me.
My raps swallow these,
Bitches like their fat but hollow G.
So please don't think I'm a rookie, nobody has shook me.
Either their men, or women,
Born with a dick and no pussy.
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huh
This for me was ok, the structure i didn't like although it did go with your style of flow! Anyway i would give this 8/10 for the content was very good could of been better, but keep it up dawg
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i thought you had a good stucture and a nice flow but you mess out on the important part os what makes cats think its really good vocabulary you need to up the inner and outter rhyme scheme just to give it soem more compexity.
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lo funny ^
wait I'd rather have a joint too, let me go roll one up..............
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start leaving better feedback i just saw a piece you left feedback on and it was only 1 line. If i see this again i will close your piece.
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i tought you had some interesting play, but it read too much like a poem for my liking, i see the use of little stanzas like this as a way of getting out of rhyming too technical, all in all not bad, would have been better if it the rhyming followed more
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the flow of this is awsome no doubt but ur rhyming vocabulary was a lil weak the content was really good also all the verses had good wordplay too it was really good on the whole
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Rather than writing pieces like this, which are frankly quite dull and monotanous, try writing something intellectually... This wasn't very good, you're trying something a little different in a very limited area, try something different... Try thinking of a really good story, one with plot twists... One that if you saw in the cinema people would come out saying "oh fuck didn't expect that ending..." and write it with a rhyme scheme... Describe the surroundings and events in depth, like you would see in a film or would read in a book. When you do that you'll have written something that is better than the majority of what is posted on this forum. You would have done something unique, individual and that actually took time and effort to write. You'll get more respect and interest and, eventually, more help and advice.
If you need something just PM me...
Peace
