Inferno

spittin hard enough through da atmosphere its slashes
second element of da devil mind I be ova cookin beef 2 ashes
can't stop da unstoppable an ability 2 steal a soul
undeground surfaces smeltin 2000 degrees bars steel 2 mith a coal
dirt to riches childhood depression heat in a wagons bed
skills own territories which da trophy i'll be holding da dragon's head
rip da earth no form of life taking out resorces
life ova a century passing medevil flamming torches
sticks of matches to chemical soda to viniger it attaches 2 nucleur fire gadgets
flames of a phoniex life to death it rebirt then it hatches
the crown it holds da size of a galaxy da power of its ring halo
pressed more heat in a crack than a black guy with J'Lo
evidence with comics lines only way to talk myth
beefin ya grills body componentes reattachments yea i'ma human locksmith
movin moon phases reversing eclipse causing the sun to commit a sin
composing death bodys of unworthy MC's leavin da remains of skeletons
i'ma only half human half genetic to produce narcotic medicine
warriors looks at me as stage frieght but i'll rip this mic
givin health to low stealth by servin a bowl of life
drawings of viens brings traffic light to fantasy
puncture a blood thrust KO faster then blood meets heat summons a fatality
multis red burnin in every direction so i keep an uno
full death does't talk so i speak in my casket whiles it burns inferno

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...37#post2503537
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...34#post2503534

This piece was ok, there wasn't really a story to it though and some of your lines were confusing and didn't really make sense. Flow was ok, off in a few bars. Multi's were quite good, and your rhyming scheme was on point, just try to even up your lines a bit more.

Overall this piece was average. No hate just honest opinion.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Trust

spittin hard enough through da atmosphere its slashes
second element of da devil mind I be ova cookin beef 2 ashes
can't stop da unstoppable an ability 2 steal a soul
undeground surfaces smeltin 2000 degrees bars steel 2 mith a coal
^^^^Thats what trems on a nice decent rhyme! Good!

dirt to riches childhood depression heat in a wagons bed
skills own territories which da trophy i'll be holding da dragon's head
rip da earth no form of life taking out resorces
life ova a century passing medevil flamming torches
^^^Once again like the rhymes, the flow is good dawg 4real!

the crown it holds da size of a galaxy da power of its ring halo
pressed more heat in a crack than a black guy with J'Lo
^^^...still good

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Have nothing but good things to say about this piece, structure was ok, but it could of been better. This piece was deep and your rhymes were near enough perfect. You got potential keep up the good work!

its actually a song just gotta put the chorus in..its like canbius with 100 bars..

I didnt get a story out of this so i thought it lacked alot of imagery...there was some emotion but eh... flow was decent...your structure and syllable count needs work to help out that aspect of your verse. Multis were decent I noticed you tried throwing a few of them in. I think this would sound alot better on an audio with a dope beat then just reading it in an open mic section......if you look to improve your writing just work on structure and what not, keep dropping and you'll get better naturally, but if your looking to put this on audio...nice job. pz

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=198702

the shit was pretty straight, there was no story line to it ya swayed back an forth a lot......ya rhymes was good, but try not to put a complex line wit a simple one, they clash an get people confused n' shit....but all together it was a decent peice, jus work on focusing on a story line...keep it up!

this reminded me of like a opening track to a cd, if this is gonna be on a cd it should be first in my opionion, good structure flow was good, lyrics were okay maybe you shoulda put a few meta's or similies in it, the really only bad thing i could say is in some parts you tried to hard, other then that, decent.

its mainly about fire...and shit

yo man real gangsta... shit it was ok man, i think it was lackin the flow, because the bars was way different sizes and the syllable count was off... i think u need 2 shorten down your bars so you can get to the point quicker, it's easier to catch the flow that way and it makes the piece more powerful... i liked the topic to it, the vocab was good man, lmao nigga half tha time i had no fuckin idea wat u was talkin about, and i thought u didnt either homie... i liked the rhymes man, they was well thought out and fit perfectly, i'd like 2 c sum more doubles n shit tho... i liked the ending, kinda the climax to the piece, well displayed... anyways it was pretty good... id giv ya an 8/10 and im pretty picky so thats pretty decent... keep it up i can c the potential in yas... good job nigga...

yo check my shit out im just about 2 post it now.. its called 16 bars check it out in like 10 mins homie

return favor here is html... http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=199955