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Problems.
So many people struggling, living there lives Subconsciously
We don’t ask for much just dream, and hope to be free
……………….. Ill only ever want to be Independent
Stand on my own two feet and Learn from my descendants
Single mothers cant cope drowned in financial problems
That’s why their kids see people an feel the need to rob them
Best believe there are many problems in the world
They can make you give up when the problems unfurl
The reality sucks! So i’m gonna keep dreaming
And hope one day that all the haters stop scheming
I hate the fact that everyone’s on you back
And they hold you back and wont ever cut you slack
In this life………the higher you are, the farther you fall
The moral of that is don’t walk before you can crawl
People ask what’s my problems an are the cause of them
When life gets to tuff I sigh an just start reaching for the pen
feedback will be returned just leave a link.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post2495073
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...20#post2495120
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...00#post2498900
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the flow of the story is good and i like
the overall message the biggest thing
i would work on is the content of every single line.
this was lacking from decent because you didnt
have eye opening lines that hooked me
into the storie, in short..it was too bland
put the emotion in that it so deserves
and it will be fine.
-paperbrigade
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yeh thnc for the crit bruv i think i know what you meen by it being a little bland just gotta use better words to explain what im feeling in it tnx alot -1-
upping
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i hear revising helps a lot...try that.
if you want to spend time on that..:/ im a lazy guy
so i fucking never revise my shit. also...rushing yourself
isnt good...gotta just let that shit flow. never tell yourself
that your rhymes sound stupid or not good nuff.
aight, ending the rambling.pz
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Flow was nice.
You had limited multies...and they were aight...
7/10
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upping again on this come on people
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song had meanin it was well thought but u could have spent a lil work on the structer and the conent the lines were soft but if u out like some down ass grabbing lines it would of been better ight
check i give it 7/10
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i'll give dat shit 7/10 also the verse had its feeling..felt emotional..but nice
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This piece was ok, i can see you tried to put emotion into this, but you could do with spending some more time on each bar and working out more out-standing bars. Flow was nice on this, but you didn't really attempt any multies, you could try and use some multies in other pieces to add to the effect.
Overall this was quite a good piece, keep practising :thumbup:
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I liked it man...the flow was aight but the message was good...kinda played but I like the view u did of it the most...Keep it up and do ur own thing...dont let bad critics if u have any mess with ur mind so much that u change ur style...keep elevating
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