How Far Must One Go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What these niggas think, they bullet proof, they cant be shot.
What they cant be popped, what theses niggas made of rock.
What these niggas got sheilds, what they skin made of steel.
What they really think they cant be touched, thats what they feel.



When I go into a club, nigga come out too they cars.
They knowin when I'm on that bulb, the shit gone start.
They know the sparks gone fly and somebody gone die.
They know when I'm high I don't give a fuck why.
Tried to be a nice guy but that shit didn't fly.
Used to give consignment till I got hit for a pie.
Now they buy it at a hundred a gram.
Dollar 4 dollar with no room to expand.
You can say I'm the man but who want the heat.
Just being me is enough reason for niggas to beef.
Aint no peace in the streets.
So you learn to keep one eye open when you sleep.
Cus niggas a creep catch you when you least expected.
Niggas a kill ya for your sneaks and your necklace.
So grab the beat and check this.
And you'll see why big blind be on some respected shit.



What these niggas think, they bullet proof, they cant be shot.
What they cant be popped, what theses niggas made of rock.
What these niggas got sheilds, what they skin made of steel.
What they really think they cant be touched, thats what they feel.



Man I'll make one call and that'll be it for them niggas.
And 3 days from 2'mar, they'll be diggin up a ditch 4 them niggas.
Pouring out 5ths for them niggas, blazing up sticks for them niggas.
And all, and all, saying, how they gone miss them niggas.
Too be untouched is too be invisible.
The state I'll put you in is considered non livable.
It critical when shit gets drastic
At minimal a nigga a get his ass kicked
Cus nigga get hit and rapped in plastic.
Quicker then one can say sugar malaises.
Its tragit but in the ghettos shit happens.
Last nigga feft I could fuck with him I clapped 'em.
So sayin you cant be hit a make you a targit.
And thinkin it a get your head rapped like you retarded.
So tell me how far must one go.
To take away your front and bring back the real hoe.



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=196605
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=196683

Hey, this was great, i was feelin this peice, it made me feel like i was there while you were explaining what was goin on in this thread.. real imaginating for me.... keep it up.

thanks,skribble for the feed

uppin mic

Putting in the chorus makes it a more complete piece. I think the drop would be more suited for audio, with the kind of topic you had, it might be stronger than the text. Since you used mainly line ending rhyming, it shouldn't be too hard to edit the syllables without taking away from the message.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=194115

uppin mic

thanks

feed back please

feed back please

overall thought this was pretty solid, seemed to be quite consistant and progressed well, not sure on the hook tho, maybe its just me, dunno, anyways keep dropping, looks like your style is well suited to text peices,

hit my om, thanx

You can say I'm the man but who want the heat.
Just being me is enough reason for niggas to beef.
Aint no peace in the streets.
So you learn to keep one eye open when you sleep.
~stood out to me but sounds like some old bone recording..

Man I'll make one call and that'll be it for them niggas.
And 3 days from 2'mar, they'll be diggin up a ditch 4 them niggas.
Pouring out 5ths for them niggas, blazing up sticks for them niggas.
And all, and all, saying, how they gone miss them niggas.
~just a personal opinion here but i think their should be a maximum limit of times the word "niggas" should be used.. i liked how you used it just not that many times ya know what im sayin? but if you're goin' for the gangsta feel you portrayed it.

It critical when shit gets drastic
At minimal a nigga a get his ass kicked
Cus nigga get hit and rapped in plastic.
Quicker then one can say sugar malaises.
~overused.. try to use a little more wordplay in your writing, originality gets noticed, not how many times someone can rhyme "wrapped in plastic"

So tell me how far must one go.
To take away your front and bring back the real hoe.
~ i get what you're saying here, but it felt a little forced and off-key to me.. maybe it's the way I was spitting it, you may have written it to a faster beat

tips: try to work in a little more imagery and wordplay, structure couldn't hurt either. i'm not gonna go as far as to say this piece was bad because well, it isn't. i just think it laccs thereof. a lot of room for improvement, but with time i think you could do well here at RB. keep it up, nice job..

7/10

~wun

this was ok i usually dont like these peices
i prefere a story being told with a message
but it wasnt bad writting at all...i feel the
chrous wasnt a good idea as it makes it more
like a audio rather than a skript of open mic
the flow was nice vocab could of bin better
but nothing bad and nothing amazingly dope
just overall a nice peice keep at it man.

Closed, The one link you didnt even post in...and the other link you did but it was only 2 lines and i deleted that cause it was basically a freepost.

Leave Better Feedback.