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Vent
Thin spaces, tight narrow rooms, like hallways
I be thinkin I'm gonna lose it soon, always
Gonna snap like a band and be insane, for all days
just collapse sit back, and watch the days fade away
I be thinkin that it's gonna end soon, like a phase
Cuz my life is full of ups and downs, like a maze
And I'm confused I dunno what to do, I'm in a haze
I might as well lets fate have it and do what it wants
Cuz they way I'm doin it can't be good, not at all
I feel like I'm loosing my balance, I'm gonna fall
I need some help from someone to help, but who to call
I just wish in my life that I just knew it all
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The first couplet had nice rhyming, you didn't stick with that scheme. The multis you had after that were alright, but I expected more internally because of the beginning. More description would have helped the imagery, you just seemed to hint at concepts but not fully developing them.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=192481
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it could be better. your stucture is ight flow is cool but you lack vocab and the imageyr is horrible.
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Thnx uppin for more critics
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I liked it a lot it was simple yet constructive, it would've been better longer and more descriptive and I would've enjoyed it more I didnt get any emotion, make it more descriptive and u'll have something man
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