Holla At Me

my linx:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=193392
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=193643


check it man...

im ill az fuck u bitch so u betta respect it/
or get ran through,and shot tha fuck up for ya necklace/1
disconnectin ya neck-kid,shankin ya chest-bitch/
ur only gangsta in ya mirrorz fake reflections/2
but in real life...thats the muthafuckin question/
uve never held a mp5 wit da silencer supressin/3
u juss used ta bein depressed~n~listenin ta slipknot,digestin/
sperm thats been ejaculated from ur bredren/ wink.gif 4(brother
i kno im sick az hell and i havent even been tested/haha biggrin.gif
u "bite" linez,u puttin a "4 course meal" request-in/5

damn im ill and my flow iz mean/
u mess wit dis,get hit wit infaredbeams/6
ill spit at u and make ya skin turn green/
cuz i got more "bars and hooks"then an "inmate fishin team"/get it7
leavin da crime scene wit my pad tucked between/
my belt ,emptyd out,smoke still comin out lookinlike steam/8

Lol i thought this was quite good its got its flaws but it was pretty funny.
The bars and hook line was good probably the nicest line in the verse it stood out the most to me anyway.
Your structure is ok but try and keep the bars to the same length so they will sound better on audio. Youve got decent wordplay so that will help you if your gonna write something deeper. The flow needs to be upped to help your rhymes sound smoother. Good effort and keep writing.

Return the feed:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=193694

You didn't really give the reader much credit, asking if they got it with the fishing line. I guess you were trying to put a smilie when you had the .gif. You had wordplay but it was pretty simple ideas. You had a lot of multis, which was good, but I wasn't feelin the content.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=192481

uppin this shit right now bitches

uppinon this shizlle my nizzles