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These Days
I ain't the kind to open up my mouth and complain
Though with all this shit that's going on it's getting harder to stay
Silent like a witness in the Jackson trial
We whit boys try to rag just cause we saw 8 mile
But nothing here is real, it's far from genuine
People slouching with their caps turned in the unemployment line
You see our government is wack
Shit out of luck if your skin is black
You work hard all your life but never get ahead
Stuck in the same job until you end up dead
Or a white boy busting ass til they put him in a grave
You don't have to be black to be living like a slave
There's only two kinds of people, there's the rich and there's the poor
You don't have to be a genious to see which we have of more
They try to seperate us by the color of our skin
But with all the pushing and the shoving a riot will begin
There's shoot outs in the nieghborhood every other day
But these fat ass cops do nothing, they're too busy being gay
So they send in the National Guard, you know the one that Bush escaped
But some gang gunned down my brother so in my eyes they're too late
Shit don't make sense, he was only eight years old, only made one mistake
Wrong place, bad time, they did a drive by and his life was all they did take
Now part of me is dead, not wanting to look on
Strap C4 to my chest and blow 'em all up at dawn
Fucked up ain't it
My Feedback:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=184823
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...438#post2280438
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This was ok... the topic is nothing new, kinda played if you ask me.. your lines were way to basic, your structure also could use alot of work... try adding some multis, it'll support your flow alot. maybe try a more deep topic, or try coming at this one a bit different, it 'll give you more room to get creative with your lines.. but for what you had this was an ok drop.. keep at it!
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Or a white boy busting ass til they put him in a grave
You don't have to be black to be living like a slave
I really liked that line, but overall the piece was simple and nothing special. You have the rhymescheme of someone who's onle been writing a few days, with only one bar to 2 rhymes, and obsessive repetetiveness throughout the piece. I think that rhyme I pointed out had a nice idea, but the whole piece in entirety needs a lot of work and I think you need to elevate before you drop again man. Keep doing it to yourself, practise makes perfect :thumbup:
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Issue - Withered Rose
And return the favour to me too :thumbup:
