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God's Diary
::::Through the eyes of God ::::
in a place vailed to the human eye.. where i watch and wonder
whether im seen as the God of grace.. or the God of thunder
my sons and daughters you are not forsakened.. this i promise
these lips are honest.. my eye's in the sky as distant comets
from the dawn of time cursed.. to see my creations de-create
being a lost piece to this chessgame.. is not an easy wait
til judgement day is upon us.. i know that it seems selfish
but to have will is to be independant.. & so im left helpless
each childs born pure.. this i give but im just the sponsor
it tears me up.. to see innocent souls turned to monsters
and i cry for those of whom.. the quality of living is bad
to see daughters raped & sons stabbed.. not the vision i had
the peaceful entity of life.. as much as i'd like to erase her
can still be felt.. alone in the woods through mothernature
i stay with you through it all.. i feel everything that you do
a small piece of me, you see.. i live my own life through you
existance molded of dirt & sand.. maybe was the worst plan
dont forget i was birthed as man.. and felt it firsthand
the sorrow in my heart.. for the pain & suffering of mankind
i never planned to disease.. abandon.. or leave a man blind
lives are lost in vein everyday.. i fear evils growing number
i supplied the world with food.. why do people go in hunger?
and to think about, all the time i put in.. isnt it great?
it took seven days to build.. milleniums to fix the mistake
washing away the sin of man.. forgiving all endless & honest
heavens gates'l flood.. as we again replentish the process
the world wasnt born of bad blood.. it developed over time
just a few kinks in the chain.. can have people going blind
and altho i understand ur barraged with evil since youre born
its still ultimately up to you.. if u wanna wear wings or horns
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amazing.i wish my structure could be like yours. loved the vocab and the story. especially enjoyed the line "took seven days to build, milleniums to fix the mistake."
i think this would even sound good used in a rock song - something a band like led zeppelin could use. really liked it.
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Great story, sick flow. great piece all around .
Nice structure, topic ehh, decent, but you made it nice .
from the dawn of time cursed.. to see my creations de-create
being a lost piece to this chessgame.. is not an easy wait
- Flow died right there .
the sorrow in my heart.. for the pain & suffering of mankind
i never planned to disease.. abandon.. or leave a man blind
- Favorite lines .
Very nice, I did something similiar to this awhile back, but I think this one was nicer then mine .
Stay up .
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come on yall quitin sleepin on me.. i reply to mad shit
and if any of yall care to vote on this after you read it.. this was originally part of a topical elite battle that i feel im gettin stiffed in, feel free to vote on it http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=174885
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Very creative. I hadn't thought of writing a peice from god's point of view like that. Your vocab wwas good as usual but the story line made me think. With your vocabuary u gave a God a personality that almost seemed human. I think It was very well done. Keep doing ur thing.
Favorite line:
each childs born pure.. this i give but im just the sponsor
it tears me up.. to see innocent souls turned to monsters
= ill
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Damn this was a good piece CS. I enjoyed the read. It was pretty creative from a stand point you know. I thought that it was real good how you involved god and tried to tell something from his point of view. Nice job it flowed very well to.
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well i thought as a peice of writing, technically it was smooth and balanced, the whole peice was filled with a sense of reality, but personally i dont think it was very creative, the concept was executed well tho, but nothing new, seen maany similar approached OM's... like i said... well written
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Word, i Liked this, the flow in structure was good, and the topic, although done before u did very well. I especially liked this line:
and to think about, all the time i put in.. isnt it great?
it took seven days to build.. milleniums to fix the mistake
I thought that was dope, overall this was a good piece, u kept on the topic well and u present some things that were real, and had depth, Good piece, 1
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and i cry for those of whom.. the quality of living is bad
to see daughters raped & sons stabbed.. not the vision i had
the peaceful entity of life.. as much as i'd like to erase her
can still be felt.. alone in the woods through mothernature
i stay with you through it all.. i feel everything that you do
a small piece of me, you see.. i live my own life through you
existance molded of dirt & sand.. maybe was the worst plan
dont forget i was birthed as man.. and felt it firsthand
the sorrow in my heart.. for the pain & suffering of mankind
i never planned to disease.. abandon.. or leave a man blind
dope lines here
I am glad to see you doing topicals center nice creative take on this liked the emotion level you had and everything really liked this piece alot keep dropping hott shit like this cant wait to see your stuff in SS this season stay up
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Wow, this is really good, I'm somewhat surprised, cuz I thought you were more of a battler. This was really well told though, you kept the schemes basic, elementary stuff - but it was really good the way you held the voice.
You pretty much nailed the concept, as I say, the major criticism of mine would be the basic scheme, there were a lot of nondescript rhyming couplets in there. But the message was solid, and the images were clear.
Keep at it - I may actually consider nominating this in the morning. I just need the link for my own OM for now though.
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up for feedback plz.. i'll reply to links
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very fucking creative, nicework center sight.
You explained the thoughts well with a dreamy touch to it... The words really gave out the surrounding idea of each sentence and bloomed into a very nice story... I enjoyed reading this a lot, I suggest you make a sequel if you dont find it below your abilities because I would like to read another... Good job.
you had a great opener, the second line was good.. Showed both dark and Light in the sentence... Stories are best when they have a nice opener and ender.
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=177173
^ please and thank you.
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yea i was feeling this... real good flow, nice use of complex multis... i liked the story too, at first it was a lil ehh.... but towards the end it got real tight.. 1 of the best pieces i read on here dawg.
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can you please return the favor an hit up the battle in my sig? aprecciated.
