This is called the shay diss - READ

This Rap was to this fat kid who started shit wit me and winded up battling Me , This one is called the Shay Diss........

This is the moment of truth and were going to see,
U rilly fuckin think u can win against me
Your raps are crap and your a fat fuck
I murder you in this battle cuz u fuckin suck,
U claim to have skills but thats not true,
We'll see who has the skills when the readers view
the only place ur fatass go is wendys
I heard they had a sale on the double bacon cheese
You say ur gunna pop a 12 gauge shotty, nucca please
U have a better chance of gettin with a hottie
We all know that would never happen cuz ur ugly and fat,
So stfu before your fat ass gets slap
And shay u have fuckin Double D's
Ill squeeze those nipples and leave em red with ease
Everyone Knows that ur rymes suck ass,
So Why dont u stop rappin and put that in the past
U also claim that ur gunna kick my friends ass,
ha, that kid will throw u in the trash rill fast
Shay u cant rap and everybody knows,
I mean c'mon ur fatass wears size 5x clothes
I kuld keep going on and on about ur weight
But i have sum more shit to say that ull hate,
I know u wanna fite me , but ur freakin wack,
Bringin ur 18 yr old cuzin do do the fuckin attack
You fucked with us and ur gettin fucked back
NO fuckin interferences and nun of ur imaginary pacs
Me and Mike and you and vin
We'll beat ur ass hard then do it all over again
So lets face the facts you suck the balls,
And when we fite we'll see whos head hits the walls


My Battles - -Feedback please

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...633#post2074633
www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=170895

That link didnt work, here it is again with 1 more added to it....

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...03#post2074503

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=170903

Judging by that verse, I'd have to say you're probably in the 8 or 9th grade. From a suburban location. White. I was in the same position as you once, infact, I was you. I sucked. But keep at it, try to lose the simple rhyme scheme like:
You have a gay hat
You're also real fat
just keep writing and you'll improve.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=171017

Lol Anemia, that was funny
u made me laugh hahaha, Well i agree 100% with him even though i didnt feel like reading it.. but I can tell it looks interesting, but not for a 5 time LLL league champ like me... (Raid-R is really not a champ and lost every battle he had, dont believe him)
Oh yea did I mention, i helped build the Statue of Liberty with my superfool strength
Can u dig that, now tell me, Can u dig that


I give this freestyle a 7/10
Check out mines
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=171037

Keep up the good work (Sike) JK

pretty basic vocab along with some played out fat jokes about your opponent. i wasn't feeling this, you gotta be witty to get props on a battle verse. i recommend adding some wordplay and a few multi's to improve the flow of this piece.

post on and keep elavating

You need to work on your punches. These were simple, keep practicing in front lines, and read some other battles to give you ideas. You need ideas of things to bust on someone for. Work on your wordplay, which will make your verse better.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168531

i know i gotta work on all that shit, and i gotta improve

okay man....uhh...erm....I mean...uh....why do you explain your punches? you don't need to? you got kitty punches and that turns them into shitty punches when you explain them. Here is my advice. When you throw a punch....never use the word "because" just throw the punch and set another...fuck expaining the shit.....just hit the muh fucka then move on because when you explain ya punches it waters down the punch.when somebody says something they are confident is correct...they don't wanna explain so why should you?

Other than that you nice...drop again without explaining ya punches

damn what tha fuck was this?this had no punches and basic vocabulary
i give this a 4/10
i understand if it was a freestyle but iwht your skill i bet you toook like a week to write this......lmfao

tHE ONLY THING I HAVE AGAINST UR VERSE
WAS

WENDYS IS BADASS PLACE TO EAT MAN... LOL.