life...

yo...i watch life mistreatin all of us...
im watchin life through the window on the bus...
i see my country...inhabited by people...
they dont wana be civil...they jus wana act lethal...
i see hate-faces, temper-actions and think angry thoughts...
causin' dis-respect, dis-regard and violence of sorts...
police force...break their own laws to hit arrest rates...
raise prison intake...any excuse to use mace...
on unsuspectin' civilians, just mindin' their own...
keepin' themselves to themselves...just tryna get home...
to the safety of solitude...avoidin' reactions...
from criminal factions...with fatal attractions...
to the money and the game...its all the same...
they kill a few mans in the hood...jus so people know their name...
im sick of it...sick of death, sick of losin friends to macs...
seein the people i knew and loved...lyin dead on they back...
the police...cant stay within the laws that they out-lined...
expect to be respected...like the deaf leadin the blind...
youth need role-models...that to the lifestyle of whom they can aspire...
not one that says hes drug-free and crime-free....then proved to be a liar...
and i know realisation...its a seriously bitter pill to swallow...
cuz as our idols fall from grace...were sure to follow...


my links :

Feedback on MIND…
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...84#post2051484

Feedback on Pied Piper…
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...34#post2051534

:thumbup: vote it up :thumbup:

uppin man...........lets get some feedback up in here........peace

nice flow and work on your structure, but dope concept and verse. i felt the emotion, and i felt u could of came better with vocab, but still it all came out well. u made good points and gave some imagery. cool peice, keep it up.

plz leave feedback on my open mic, Like Water for Chocolate. thx.

Flow vocab consistency was all of tha hook
Got some reall talent there
Keep doin as you do dawg.

thought some of what you were saying was put well, structure? not too bothered about that, its irrelevant, so long as it flows nice, which it mainly did...

police force...break their own laws to hit arrest rates...
raise prison intake...any excuse to use mace...

^^this bar stook out, nice

all in all not a bad read, keep at it man.... oh, holla at my new drop called 'police priority' its anaudio im working on

yeah....thats whats u repersentin right mos defintley...i enjoyed readin this....only advice i got is to ummm write more often for me to read...and to better your structure other than that....good job fam....Peace

i liked the wordplay u used in there....that was awesum...rhyming was good...flow good...if ur workin for a song tho prolly need to work on rhythm ...its good tho

Well structured and the piece has a great flow. I rather enjoyed this piece for the mere fact that I can relate to what you see. Great drop man, keep droppin.

nice flow, and decent vocab. solid drop overall, you stayed on topic nicely. couldn't find really anything wrong with this piece. especially liked:

"the police...cant stay within the laws that they out-lined...
expect to be respected...like the deaf leadin the blind..."

that line was dope. hit up my latest:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=169847

yo dawg nice post. good vocab to. i like the way ui write man...keep it up

heartless Heartless HEARTLESS

it was ok, some of the words were to good to be true
and ur rythm was nice, did u copy some from Eminem

just kidding
im not an ass that was good, nice word usage
try doing that in cypher when i battle U

ha ha @ raid...........its cypher kid...........if you ever wana battle..........step up to the plate and il hit you for a "homer"..............

uppage.......................................

hey.. i thought this piece had good imagery and a nice flow to it, keep going its good