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Black & White vs. Grey
Black & White vs. Grey
God - Satan
Man (my creation) has grown, creating their own selfmade wastelands
they've faded, alltered all altars as religions betrayed and changed hands
You demanded obedience, serenity was found while stradling the fence
hence the reactions of apathy, a calamity we must examine with interest
I expect some to become tempted, left emptied by your infernal gaze
rejecting my name, come to conclusion of disproving my paternal grace
face it, your sacred salvation has been tainted by their internal graves
embrace it, righteous or unrighteous, either way they're all eternal slaves
Then accept my offer of allegiance, become an angel,
fight alongside gabriel once again.
I accept, replace my frayed halo and crimson wings,
we shall reign together, once again...
As humanity was reveling in a rebels sanity
armies of demonic regimeis unvieled vanity
not use to truth the humans fought valiantly,
violently accusing God, cursing, dispersing hatred
day and night the fight lasted while they bled
calgaries cavalry headed by morbid horesemen
sword strokes of symmetry shed, remorse ran
death traveled upon a modern man's babylon,
Angels quickly lost faith, knowing all along -
that the devil, tricked God...
doubts disbanded many devout memories
the shades of gray changed, now theyll see
Satan had infiltrated the kingdom of heaven
letting every sin flood the gates and enter in
Stories of these celestial burial grounds found unfurled
God's glorious war cry heard by hearts round the world.
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it was cool kinda got lost the story point of view but i likd it as a rhyme good shit plese leave feed on mine its call
Hot shit off the topa my head
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you have a good vocabulary, an original topic..
Now lets break it down..
your flow and rhyme scheme (to me) was above average for a peace like this..
and thats good..
I think the structure made the flow even better..
to me this was a great peace..
keep at it, and I will be sure to read more of your peaces..
Please return the favor:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=154803
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This was decent shit. Crative story. Some of the first lines felt a little bogged down, but I liked the story. Good shit, homie.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=154709
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thanks for the replies. ill try to hit those links asap.
Wicked - go vote on effect vs myself, if you got a few minutes.
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Negatives...
Concept - Has been done a few times before.
Thought you could have elaborated on the story a little more - this could have been a huge peice of creative and innovative work.
Possitives...
Good rhyme scheme, and good collaboration between God and Satan - they play off each other well. Enjoyed the multi's in parts too - they just rolled off the tongue!
Nice use of vocab in places (tho a small amount was quite basic).
Overall - good peice, I've personally attempted the concept - even if it was a while back!
Props
Peace
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^some alias maybe?
blah at "the concept has been done a few times". i was proud of that concept, lol. ive never seen anyone, on this site or others post up a piece with the concept of god and satan joining forces to fight a third party. and even if they had, i added the twist that the 3rd party was satan aswell, so he just tricked god to gain access to heaven and take over. so yeah...
i agree that it could have been longer, and gone more into the story though, but it was for WOP, and i was already close to that 32 line/no line limit. heh
thanks for the feed though jaicee.
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Mindless...
Yea I used to be on the boards about 2-3 years ago. It's been some time since I've done any writing and audio.
Personally I'm real rusty - but I guess its like riding a bike, u never forget.
Peace
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sweet, not sure if i remember you, but good to see you back.
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Aka - Ambient Light.
Been a while. Truss...
PEace
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^think i remember that name actually. welcome back.
up..
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im not all that cultural or wuteva you may call it but it had alot of vocab and its not bad for a piece dealing wit God power and wut not
