SS:The Scent of Fear

The Scent of Fear


Enemies approach, the future's grim I really need a hope ...
To pull outta this I'll need more'n an M16 & a couple feet of rope ...
All that's strong must break, all that's wrong must pay ...
So I'ma destroy these fuc*s and leave nothing for vultures but bones to take ...
The way they move, I'm blown away, most of them ready ...
Determined I'll live out the day trying to stay focused and steady ...
They advance, eyes keen, from my view suicide it might seem ...
It'll be different at night under tha moons bright white beams ...

The sun sets, moon rises, I resume silence ...
Battle's set, strike before adjustment inside them goon's eyelides ...
I strafe a log behind a hut and pose to strike, I'm close, in tight ...
Around the corner a man's life will end by this rope tonight ...
Low crawlin', got him, he struggles whilst his throat contracts ...
Almost slipped away, I sweep his legs, the log broke his back ...

Stage is set, they found his body, enraged and yet ...
They still don't understand, the tip of their tongue is the taste of death ...
I'm patient now, I hear their hateful vows ...
Smell of fear lead's me to the next coward I'm takin' out ...
Tempers settled, I'm eyeing this joker with a vengeance ...
Steady, aim, breathe, fire, one shot explodes it's appendix ...
The others see it, I'm exposed, angers flare ...
Two warriors, Two machetes, One in the chamber's fair ...
My last round, I lash out, one shell to hit wit ...
Battle determined I shot, no one fell, I missed, shi*! ...

Now all I have's a fuckin* rope and two targets ...
Fuc* it. let's go toe to toe, I'm true, heartless ...
They join as one and charge, these cats're amazing ...
Matching my every attack I've not seen such action in ages ...
Dodging blows, throwing some, it's so much fun ...
Caught one's fist and beat its sternum, his scream booms like Roman drums ...
The other's vicious knee thuds on thaeback of my neck ...
Dizzy I feel blood gush from the crack on my head ...
Still I fight, swept to the grass, I'm straight fuc*ed ...
A stab, heart sputters, I start shaking, it's my girl trying get me to wake up ...


WHEW! That was close... Now That's What I call a "Scent of Fear"
..LOL

Will Edit Links Here :p

AIM Cypher
I Write this for you By Bare Chuckles..Dope Shi*!

this was pretty nice.... the story was good, nice use of multies and internals helped the flow in this alot which was really nice, vocab usage was god but not overused, imagery was also nice, the only thing i got to say i didnt like was the ending... a dream???? come on man dreams are old as hell now, the ending/twist coulda been way more creative than that...... everything in this was really nice, but the ending really dissapointed me, just seen the twist of it being a dream way too much now thats all... nice shit none the less man keep it up n return the favour

^Ending Was Creative...Lmao...Thanks For the Feed..I'll Hit Yours Up a Bit Later..

no way that was a dissapointing ending... enjoyed this a lot penny.... actually had a storyline to tell... and told it welll

nice multis... really liked the 'cats'r amazing/action in ages' rhyme... you have a knack for meaningful rhymes that are thought up outside the box...

keep it up and check my collab with SMZ... Media

--[Flow]---
Your flow here was one thing that really hit me first...Although more internals could have been used, where you did use them really shone...you followed a very nice and consistent scheme, and you didn't seem to be afraid of expermenting with rhyming or taking a chance..loved it.

--[Vocab]--
You didn't overruse vocab here, and i thought that it was the right way to do things...it wasn't simple and it kept a certain degree of complexity, however just enough for people with a limited knowledge to understand...

--[Concept]--
This is what i've been really wanting to get too...the imagry in this was amazin'...you really made me feel if i was there, experiancing this shit with him...i could plainly see everything that you said, and built up a clear picture in my mind....The ending was a little unexpecting..liked the sorta "shock" value that you tried to put in here...lol:

[i]"They advance, eyes keen, from my view suicide it might seem ...
It'll be different at night under tha moons bright white beams ..."

"The others see it, I'm exposed, angers flare ...
Two warriors, Two machetes, One in the chamber's fair ...
My last round, I lash out, one shell to hit wit ...
Battle determined I shot, no one fell, I missed, shi*! ..."

--[Overall]--
Brilliant SS piece...loved the imagry and your wording...flow wa si said could have been a little better, but it was still brutal....4/5....little error in this piece...big props.

if you got time...: .Sacrifice Of A Nation. Pt.2

Nice story.. :thumbup:

Props where they are due..

Good luck in our battle too.. ;)..

Hehe..

Pz..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Freeman

Nice story.. :thumbup:

Props where they are due..

Good luck in our battle too.. ;)..

Hehe..

Pz..

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^Good Luck to You Too :thumbup:

Ehhhh ..
.. To me the wording was off slightly in some sections of this - right from the opener,

Enemies approach, the future's grim I really need a hope ...
To pull outta this I'll need more'n an M16 & a couple feet of rope ...

The "I really need a hope" is just worded awkwardly, makes the rhyme seem slightly forced as i read it - then in the follow up line the 'couple' throws the flow off syllable wise - It happens quite a lot in this piece actually where the wording is off at times - i dont see how they didnt pick up on that? The story itself was decent, told fairly well all though the ending was slightly dissapointing - the whole "It was a dream" type endings arent that great now as EVERY writers on the net has probably used them at least once, lol. If anything, the imagery was your strong point with this. The emotion was there, but it had me waiting for that extra .. something .. to kick in that never really did as i read through it. Thats basically what i felt let it down here, but never the less - it was a cool piece, fairly decent, potentials there as long as you work on it - keep the multi's, work on the wording - fix up the flow in a few areas and give it a better twist to the end of the piece - lol ..

On the Road Again~~~~