Monetary

the days flash back to when he had no money
before he was rich he was happy, sad but funny
now its monetary - happiness is of no cost to him,
cuz he's got jackson lincoln and washington.
he counts his bills, doesn't know their little worth,
nothing matters, unless his income whittles first.
he presses on, the pressures on, to be successful,
he's a machine that doesn't believe its stressful.
a deceiving schedule, to the broker every morning,
ignores it - tho his true life's given several warnings.
may be too late, he's fallen into society's pattern,
he's been connived by all that propriety matters
anxiety patters, scatters his morals long laid within,
i try to break the false values the devil made with him.
we're all slaves within, tempted by unworthy things,
learn from this man - hapiness still hasn't heard from him.

Nice.
Interesting piece.
Straight to the point,
not much of storyline.
But still good to read.
Keep it up feeble..

This was decent. Flowed well. Nice point. Its short, but gets the point acroos. Overall, it was cool.

yo word. upping. i'll put in my links in a quick second or minute or before i die.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...26#post1246926

theres one. but you can close this. it'll only get worthless replies anyway.

It was ehh, lol. The flow fell apart a lot. Wasn't very interesting, too short. Bleh. I can tell you're not much of a topical head.

this was a pretty decent piece....
I thought the ending lacked meat. You could have turned it all around and turned the guy into someone famous, or the devil, or something or a metaphor for society...
there was so much you could have done, that you just didn't. Try to flip the topics more, it makes for a more interesting read.
You made decent attempts at multies but the deceiving schedule one didn't work because there weren't the same number of syllables in the phrase it was rhyming with. You're getting pretty decent at this, eh?
;)

Meh... I thought this was a decent piece.
Short and sweet, and not a bad topic.
I think if you would have made it a bit
longer it would have been more interesting
but nonetheless, nice piece.

...

it was ok short and sweet you can do better but Its cool
to just write sometimes..

i don't really care about being good at open mics, there are so many people already good for you guys to read.. (thats my excuse). lol.

;)

ehh, it wasn't real cool it was sort of weird
lol, it's like you wrote a piece about a middle
aged business man, do your tizzle thang
shawdy.. pz

Hi Feeb,It's nice to see you around OM area...
since I only see you here in a Blue Moon..
Anywho,I enjoyed this weird piece.

get another link, jerkface. =)

This piece was well constructed and seems to be based upon someone who is down on their luck in the financial department. Overall, the flow was their in a big way. I thought you could have come a little harder in the wordplay, but this was still a deep passionate writting.

7.7/10 - Keep dropping em dogg....