More Than That

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=117056&page=1
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...68#post1235968


I know you had a troubled past and it hurts your broken heart…
And your taking it rough, so I try to talk but you just open hard…
You change the subject and joken starts, you laugh and snicker…
But your dying inside like a candle that only just lasts to flicker…
Slowly dims to nothing…and I don’t want that to happen to you…
Your not that, your something..just wish you’d let me soothe you….
But lately you’ve been pushing me away like I don’t matter at all…
You get sadder then bawl making you want to scatter and crawl…
So you can hide…but why don’t you let me hold you by my side?…
Arm spans wide…let me make it better cause you defy my pride…
I know that you just hurt inside…but I can mend your wounds…
Your eyes just surge to cry…but baby I can end your gloom…
Just try to forget about him…because he’s not what you deserve…
His heart you didn’t win…all he did was just cut you to flirt…
He put you through this torment, he didn’t love you more then…
Now your hearts love is dorment, letting anger become your vent…
But I love you though, starting to think it doesn’t mean anything…
Im not like most guys, they give hurt something that many bring…
The tears I’ve seen you cry makes me feel helpless…and I felt this…
I just cant believe love delt this, now your cold heart I got to melt it…
But lately you wont listen to me cause the truth you sure can lack…
Cause the things he said were a lie…cause I love you more than that…

Ok..

You had some nice inner rhymes.. Rhyme scheme was iight.. Structure was normal..

Flow let it down.. Was choppy in a few places.. Only major fault..

Vocabulary needs upping.. Love OM's are so predictable in the vocabulary that is used..

It was a nice drop.. Jus a few pointers for you to work on ^..

Keep it coming man..

Hit up my topical battle in Elevated Front Lines against SmokaJoka666..
It is no polls.. Thank you..

Pz..

Flow was alright - thought some of your rhymes seemed a little awkward ie:
"You get sadder then bawl"

just seems to that rhyme took precedence over message. Vocab could use a little upping - Thought these lines were nice:
"The tears I’ve seen you cry makes me feel helpless…and I felt this…
I just cant believe love delt this, now your cold heart I got to melt it…"

Last line was pretty nice - but thought the setup could've been better. Nice drop overall though - scheme was quite good. Hit my ELEETE collab if you get a chance - (Two Genuises - One Mind)

Good piece, i saw some feelings in it (which is rare) i enjoyed reading it, people are going to have 2 stop dropping dope drops cuz i'm lazy and don't feel like reading that much

well credz this was a decent drop... but it seems your style aint evolving.... i think you need to flip it round more and bring more internals to your works.... but it was a good read with meaning and sometimes if your trying to capture feeling the simpler the better... but id like to see more speed to them... if ya know what i mean.... good still tho.... but next one... let me see some more complexity carrying ya flow crazy...lol..... props... hit my lateat... lately ya sleeping on em...hmm.... lol

this was really sweet Credz, did you have someone in mind? whoever she is, i'm sure shes very happy to have found someone as caring as you, as a female, i know that not many boys are genuine to the way they feel about us, most are after the goods..and nothing more. Anyway, this was a nice little rhyme, i think our collab is gonna be good.