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SYSTEMatic
Dear Diary,
The eve of the birth; On the back-burner of a bottomless kettle
I understand my blundered hands fear the monotonous schedule. .
That lies ahead, inside. . I know I'm rendered the worst of kids
But, I can't help to think that as a whole our agenda's conservative
"Probabilities" and "Perhaps," seems the Fascists' fate had hit us
As the aforementioned "P's" arose, we would fabricate statistics
I thought it was over; lying inside, in the most collossal of oceans
Were hearts sewn to sleeves; alongside my bottled emotions
Give me a reason to live; philosophy: I'd uproot and start on one
I wouldn't mind the media claiming I was in pursuit of martyrdumb
After all, we were dwelling in that white & hollowed, rented van. .
&, according to them, I should appear a contrite, apologetic man
Innovative "men," who do their best to decompose existant sections. .
Of history, which would likely do me just & expose the misconceptions
America, when you read this; I lie here an impaled but fistful seed:
An eighteen year old samaritan, who has been jailed on Christmas Eve
My Regards to "the Victims,"
LBM
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lol , did you get arrested for egging finally ?
damn every line is quotable in it's own sense of
amazing artistic imagery .. jul 4. 03 you replied
to an open mic of mine clearly stating you did not
agree with my views .. amazingly some of my
views have been embraced here in your piece
i'm not criticizing you for it .. i mean it's the truth ..
i'd like you to share a little more insight as to what
inspired a piece like this .. your an immensly talented
writer .. all this piece does is make that obvious ..
everything was on point .. nice job my friend ..
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You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed, Thanks.
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do you say this to all the dope open mic writers? lol, seriously, i'll go and give feedback on three of them for him for Ghod's sake.
<<< (witty wordplay involved there). anyway, nicely done piece by koalatee, once again. i know all those words but could never use them that well. how do you do it ??????
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wow.. the structure is every where .. work on it.. but you had a pretty good piece.. keep at it, you will ge better.
Peace
Good Luck!!
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Well, thanks for your assistance, Phoebe. As for Night-Demise, I don't recall this thread you speak of. . I'll have to check the archives :rolleyes: - & what about a collaboration, dude?
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Quotes just highlight what the ignorant don't see..
Sometimes the most simple lines..mean the most..
I find your piece almost flawless, the visions used,
To describe the situation and essence of this message..
Where exceptionally well formulated n creative..
Within this thread i stumbled upon a post by someone claimin..
Your structure was off, for a open mic piece the structure was more then decent.
The imagery was at points amazin'.
Very enjoyable.
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yes very nice, great imagery, very ver good, a good read. Keep it up'everythin else has been sed'
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Thank you, Ace. To the top of the forum, please.
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Ayo... dis piece was mad tight... good ish on it... i was feelin it... the piece i'm bout to post up... it... a lil like this... you cats will like it most deff... good ish dunny... keep it up
Caesar On3
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Nice job here ese ... Very well written piece man ... A lot of thought put into it ... Deep and meaningful words ... I was feelin' this as a whole very much man ... Every line held it's weight in this verse ... That was dope ... Keep writin' ese ... Peace
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f'ing Sand. . Hoarding all the critique.
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dope piece here koal, imagery was nice.
content was ill, and it flowed smoothly.
pretty nice story, hit me up for that
collab - ASAP! good shit though, zp.
