When he gets like this

[A.T.]

...

[A.T.]

Uppin

[A.T.]

this shits gettin mad slept on

[Spoken]

question: does she write alot?

this was well written, and you can tell it was full of real emotion. she took a situation she lives, probly more then she wants too, and gets it out, just like she says you do. and the funny thing is, thats how i started writing too. I had a bf that too use to scare me when he got into his writing time, and since he couldnt hear my words i wrote them down like he did. She keeps this simple but its message she tells is still strong and sharp. she gives reasons that many can relate to and feel where she is coming from. it was a nicely written piece, and a good read. she should write more if she doesnt already.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

[A.T.]

She writes A LOT!!!
thank you for the feed...

[HotRod]

this was alright even though i feel you put alot of time into this it still has a little more work to do

[A.T.]

noobie opinions... blah


uppin

[A.T.]

uppin

[Richard Parker]

that was pretty good. . full of emotion. didnt rhyme, i like it when poems rhyme altho a lot dont. . i dont really know how to rate these things other than saying if i liked them or not. . so i'll just say a 7/10. pretty good.

[Jes]

i feel its to personal for me to critique. when shits this personal its not meant to be judged in my opinion. what do i think of this piece? not my cup of caffinated-goodness... i couldn't get anything out of it or pertain to any aspect.

and maybe you should pay her a little more attention...

[Neruda II]

It started out real deep. it got a lil less interesting as it went on, but gettin peoples attention isnt the easiest thing to do. its real good considaring the fact that it didnt rhyme. at sumtimes it rhymed tho, that confused me a bit. (was it meant to rhyme or is it just off?) well good stuff,

vocab-8/10
rhymes-4/10
message-8/10
feelings-7/10
metas/similes-5/10
overall-32/50

final thoughts:good poem, great message, but it left me wanting more.

[Varentao]

Very emotional. And very very personal. I like it for what it is. A piece dedicated to someone they love. Bringing up all the obstacles and flaws that seem to get in the way. Yet it shall go on...

...resp...

[A.T.]

thanks for all the help and feedback yall...
~AshY~

[prophiit]

fascinating.....really it is.....your girl has talent.....i say that because she took personal emotions and described them poetically...that is NOT easy no matter what anyone says....on top of that she wrote a beautiful piece that DOSEN'T rhyme....which is even harder.....much props to your girl for her talent.....and props to you for recognizing it

[A.T.]

thank you...