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Thread: Check IT

  1. #1
    Dropz
    Guest

    Check IT

    ya pain is mainly explained out and exposed//
    when ya toughen up and come toe to toe//
    with a demon thats steamin with rage who is me//
    if ya ready get steady to turn to tha next page of this phat beat//
    my rap sheet is a sweet 45 pages i kill in three different stages//
    ya can strive to revive ya self but need not help from me//
    go ahead n try to climb tha ladder of success but that bladder infection from tha ovadose of midol will over triumph you//
    try to pull some kind a move ill instantaneously have ya pumped full of lead//
    shed ya skin with 9 outta 10 of these switchblades//
    the slit made indicates the make and model of the stitch//
    the trait that have will make you, 10 of ya friends, and ya dad drop jaws//

    this shit sux if ne one gots ne suggestions on how i can improve hit me wit em

  2. #2
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed..

    But this was ok......structure needs some work though....some of your lines are stretched out too far, shorten them down a bit and keep your lines around the same length....also try adding multies and internals to this to help it out....but this was ok...keep at it.

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Chicago.
    Age
    41
    Posts
    377
    Battle Record
    0-1
    it was straight, flow was ight...
    7/10

  4. #4
    Remixed Illusion
    Guest
    again ya bars but otha wise this was good, i liked parts and shitm, keep it up hommie

    pz

  5. #5
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    j-ville florida
    Age
    44
    Posts
    5,352
    Battle Record
    7-14
    THIS WASNT BAD AT ALL I DEFINETLY SEE A WORLD OF TALENT AND POSSIBILITY JUST NEEDS TO BE WORKED MORE
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

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