Deacon (Soft Focus) vs Whitelightning (D.O.I)

[Whitelightning]

Check In ASAP
Verse Due Dec 15th.

Topic: Broken Silence

Good Luck.

This is the Revised Topic picked from the SS list...Due Date Adjusted. Here We Go.

[deacon]

suggests that we put this in elite frontlines...to rid it from d/r'n.......I want this to be legit....i gave you the topic you atleast give me that.....alright peace....

-1-

[Whitelightning]

I don't really care........but if we are going to move this one...........move all of them..........

[deacon]

fine with me................................................ .................................................. ...............................

-1-

[deacon]

We need to talk whitelightening...cause these topics are gonna work...we need to agree on one...keep it legit....so yeah until then this due date isnt in effect...

-1-

[Whitelightning]

clean you pm box...legit? what the fuck are you talkin about..I haven't even put a pen to paper about this yet...been too busy...if you think I prewrite..you are stupider than I think...don't be such an idiot...you wanna change the topic..fine with me...

peace

[deacon]

alright broken silence is cool.............................................. .................................................. ...........................

-1-

[deacon]

If the eyes are the windows of the soul, then the mouth is the door/
Where the pieces exit freely way beyond your control/
And they're not yours anymore. Walk tall in bent stride/
And propaganda lies on the gentle side of genocide/
Words are used, broken, twisted and misquoted/
The gossip was probably true the first time somebody told it/
And slander's just a well-intentioned public exposition/
That should have been handled man to man as something different/
The bum decisions are done and repeated like that/
Bite my tongue in half as an example of how to fight back/
Write raps and raise a family. Build with the like-minded/
Honor hides itself in strange faces. I'm always glad to find it/
I'm reminded of the wonder of this world in which we live/
How we kill ourselves to have but find freedom when we give/
Climb reason and forgive in a quest for all that is/
I'm standing right beside you 'cause this is where I live/
I'm the voice in the distance, the image in the foreground/
Don't have much, but what's mine is yours now/
Can't put your finger on it, but you've seen me around/
Wherever you're at, I'm just a couple doors down/
It's like 4 in the morning and I'm still here/
Wasn't 'til 3:45 that I started thinking clear/
Concern, anger, sadness, and now my heart is blinking tears/
Take these necessary steps to my art can reach my peers/
I've abused my voice so much that it's hard to sing this year/
And my own songs can't echo in my set of ringing ears/
Pages filled top to bottom with confidence and stinging fear/
That no one understands what I speak and they can't hear/
So I'll say it twice as loud and I'll mean every word/
Can't keep it in my mouth until their peace is disturbed/
From the least to the first, we can see where you hurt/
And we dedicate this now, every beat, every verse/
Every breath, every thought, every prayer, every stage/
Every show, every moment, every night, every day/
Everything that we say and everything that we do/
It's dedicated to you. It's dedicated to you/
The moments that I'm walking through affect the way I talk to you/
And this is what I'm called to do. It's almost like I'm stalking you/
You're tired of falling through the cracks from all the broken promises/
And it's tough to hear the voice of reason through these busted monitors/
And as honest as I am, I can't hide behind the fasade/
I just wanna bring my people a little closer to God/





I broke the silence


finished and the sooner you get yours in then we'll be done with this...

-1-

[deacon]

wow just noticed my length on this....hhaha white dont worry about matchin the length mayne............................................. ...........................................

-1-

[Whitelightning]

*this battle has so much riding on it..ride this*

Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words
Why Did One Thousand Cries Go Unheard
Truncated From All Visible Help
His Anger Just Continued To Develop
Self Esteem Underwent Emence Corrosion
No Memory Of Friendly Association
His Whole Life And No Happy Influence
Frustration And Hatred Was Only Dispenced
No Being To Him Had Been Influential
Nobody Realized His Evil Potential
Constant Pictures He Saw Every Time
Those Fateful Days, The Tragedy At Columbine
Emotions Of Horror Created Mindful Twinges
Kleebold And Dylan Exited Without Hinges
Their Actions Affected An Entire Nation
Everybody Caught In This Bizzare Situation
Guns In Schools On The Increase
Uknown Solution, Process Needs Too Cease
Do We Ban Violent Music Or Violent Games
Nobody Proud To Hold A Hated Name
Everyone Seems To Have Infinite Solutions
None Seem To Secure Peaceful Evolution
Solutions Unclear, All Seem Dense
Gunshots Can No Longer Break The Silence

[Maven.]

wow.
this was actually a decent topical battle.
not that I'm surprised

hmmm who to start with....

whitelightning: Your flow was the best part of the entire verse. Which is not a good thing, I must tell you. Your content was all played out, man! everyone has read pieces on the troubled youth and the whol columbine fiasco. You can't disguise a lack of originality with large vocab and flow, homie.
You did have some quotables, though:

Everyone Seems To Have Infinite Solutions
None Seem To Secure Peaceful Evolution

best bar in the whole thing. You also forced a few lines (just noticed it as I scrolled up for quotes). Corrosion and Association don't rhyme.
My best advice for you is to add a hard hitting opener and go from there. Everyone has written a piece that start with "A Picture is Worth a Thousand words". It's even in an Atmosphere song.
Not a bad piece overall, but you have a lot to work on.

deacon-wow. I was not expecting this at all. I knew you were a good writer, but, damn! I don't know anyone other than Cam, who can write a verse that length and have that many quotables. and Yours is full of emotion, and is just fucking awesome. I don't even know how to describe it.
you, on the opposite side of Wl, need to work on flow. I could see the flow of the piece, generally, but it fell off in places, and made it generally hard on the eyes. Your metas were wicked, laced with multies and internals. You jerk. I can't write like that.

And they're not yours anymore. Walk tall in bent stride/
And propaganda lies on the gentle side of genocide/

I quite enjoyed that. My biggest advice to you would be to try to even out your bars. It usually helps out the flow and gets rid of any un-needed words, which you had a lot of.

Once again, this was actually a good battle, but it was kind of one sided.

Vote-Deacon

[Whitelightning]

Originally posted by Maven
Corrosion and Association don't rhyme.

don't know what english you speak....good vote though..very well explained...uppin..

[Nahlidge]

Damn ... This was a nice topical battle ... But deacon juss murdered this topic completely ... A very ill take on it ... Nice way to bring the topic a different way ...

White had a nice verse also ... But he juss lacked in some aspects of his writin' ... Multi's weren't really present ... And choppy flow made this piece hard to read ... Not a bad verse tho ...

Everyone Seems To Have Infinite Solutions
None Seem To Secure Peaceful Evolution

I thought those were ur best two lines in ur piece ...

Deacon juss opened up completely on this topic ... Multi's were mixed in here and there that added to the interest ... Imagery was sicc ... And a lot of quotables ...

Words are used, broken, twisted and misquoted/
The gossip was probably true the first time somebody told it/

I'm reminded of the wonder of this world in which we live/
How we kill ourselves to have but find freedom when we give/

I thought those lines were the best outta ur verse along wit the endin ... Nice battle from both ... Props

Vote : deacon

[MadMan]

White: Your flow was kind of off throughout the piece, and Maven is right, they don't rhyme because not only do they need the same ending, but they need to have the same ammount of syllables. Good story, you had a nice lil twist, and you were very ambitious in your story. I liked it very much...

Deacon: Powerful story, well developed, you knew exactly what lines to stress, and it gave a very nice effect. Flow was off also, rhyming was decent, a few things were off, but no one is perfect. You had a much better story, and better Diction, Syntax, and Tone.

Vote=Deacon

[Key-Low]

not really close at all, good way of percieving tha topic white, but its lyke you didnt put enough time into it......tha break down.....

deacon: rhymes scheme: 8, flow: 8, story: 8, total : 24

incredably solid deacon, lyked it alot, you fell off at points, but rhyme scheme and multis on point, sometimes dragged on

whitelightning: rhyme scheme: 7, flow: 7, story: 8, total: 22
you could have done betta......not close enough, rhyme scheme wasnt that hott eitha

my vote goes to deacon, everyone knows who won, good luck fellaz, no hate, stay real, peace, 1