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Thread: My Flow

  1. November 24th, 2003, 07:47 PM #1
    the_insane_clown
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    My Flow

    I live in a live of hate and love with pain and sorrow
    My big brother told me god said I was to die tomarrow
    My big bros crazy and my step moms dead
    My dad says I give him aches in his head
    My moms in jail she has been most her life
    My stepdad, My moms his lovely wife
    Hes in jail for like 20 or 30 years
    I hope he dosent get longer for killin queers
    The rest of my family is pretty much dead to me
    Ive never meet most of my cousins you see
    My life is bad life and a hard one at that
    one night my moms x broke in with a bat
    It was bout four in da morrning I was asleep
    I was haven dreams about killing sheep
    well I heard wispers outside of my room
    the all of a fuckin sudden a big "BOOM"
    I went in the living room to see what was the fuck was wrong
    The I relized I just needed to chill and write me a song
    so I did and it was good and this is nothing compared to that
    That song was a masterpiece That was so phat
    So I guess I better go get bitched at again
    If you liked this rap add me as yo freind!

    I want yo opinion and that really happened fo real !~!!!!!
    "The Legion" takes no prisoners!!!

    my homepage is http://www.geocities.com/iluvblondes22/night_vision.html
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  2. November 24th, 2003, 07:57 PM #2
    Mistral
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    You need to leave 3 names or 3 links of peoples you left feedback on or this will get deleted..

    but this was alright...you structured it pretty good, try making your lines around the same length though....add some multies and internals to this to help the flow out a bit more cause it was off at a few spots...vocab was ok, should be up'd thought....but overall i thought this was alright...keep at it and keep dropping.
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  3. November 24th, 2003, 10:13 PM #3
    Brandon Heat
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    Good story.. horrible structure... other than that... keep it up..!
    AlieNation
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    we see you Cock-A-Roaches looking...

    Coming Soon
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  4. November 24th, 2003, 10:19 PM #4
    [-!F.A.T!-]
    [-!F.A.T!-] is offline
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    story is aight

    not really feelin it it deff wasnt to lyrical at all lol...but it shoed some emotion and all..pretty good piece it was ok more of a personalspiece the anything e;se
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  5. November 24th, 2003, 10:22 PM #5
    bribeone
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    work on bigger words..story was ok.
    keep working at it though.get better.
    Bribeone
    Artificial Intelligence
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  6. November 24th, 2003, 10:27 PM #6
    Taberizzo
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    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=94077

    hey man vote for funnyest one
    ^TABERIZZO^
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  7. November 24th, 2003, 11:03 PM #7
    Rant
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    VOCAB..MUS BE UP'D

    FLOW..WAS OK

    STRUCTURE..WAS NORMAL..

    overall..the topic and understanding was good...juss up the skillz..

    peace kid
    A.rtificial I.ntelligence

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