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Thread: Not Ya Average Chick

  1. #1
    Av1r3x
    Guest

    Not Ya Average Chick

    reply 1
    reply 2
    reply 3

    Ya'll folks still don't know who u dealin wit
    But in a few seconds u gon' hear wut we killin' wit/
    Money we stay stealin it,
    Some MC's are like 3" dicks..I'm not feelin' it/
    I feel like committing homicidal crimes on a massive scale
    Yeh i resort to desperate measures if drastic fails/
    Most chicks think about jewels and skin-tight clothin'
    Me I have street dreams of me & my team Hi-Rollin'/
    Gotta make money off these lyrics,its too cold 'n
    The 1's in my pocket ain't even worth foldin'/
    They just crumpled like my insides beneath my ribcage
    Only way for me to survive is spill my guts on this page/
    Nicca u not me til u walk 10miles in my Timz
    U won't See what I see til u look through these lens/
    F*CK tha moral support,the hell with Street Credibility
    My words move any1,consider 'em verbal mobility/
    Some1 say they gonna murk ya believe they speakin tha truth
    B4 they do tha deed without leavin no substantial proof/
    I'm not ya average chick,rappin in booths
    Im also tha one with bloodstains front and back of her boots*

    Couldnt think of another title,jus put up anything.Hope yall enjoyed it.Stay ^
    -Avi
    also peep Holocaust poem

  2. #2
    The R in RB.Com
    Join Date
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    43
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    3,785
    Battle Record
    5-1
    here we go

    1st off...please type coherently it just makes for an easier read, i dont mind hearing slang but reading it makes me have to stop reading and figure out exactly what you are saying

    the flow on this piece was basic and none to great... try to keep the lines about the same syllabul length...a cheap way is just to make them match lenght on the screen..

    As a piece of just introducing yourself you got the point across, i hope you and your crew make something of yourselves.

    the vocab and wordplay were very little... try to think of more synonmys (spelling?) to put around your piece

    id suggest a collab with someone who does alot of open mic's they would be able to help you out more

    stay up and keep trying...

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  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
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    38
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    aigh't for a break down. basic rhyme scheme an ur structure was good. I thought flow was down but like realist said try not to speak in slang cuz I kinda feel the same way. secondly I thought this piece was lackin a decent use of wordplay so try ta elevate urself on that but u had some nice multi's though so that made up for it. but this made for an easy read so keep droppin. peace.
    <center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>

    <center>Corrupted Visions</center>

    <center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>

    Act One:

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    color="blue"><table style=filter:GLOW(color=white)>
    Polished and refined to bring a new groove to crews/
    gestures meaning lesser to negotiations between me and you/
    so what’s this heartache all of a sudden edge’in to your seat/
    fuck it, cement shoes and 200 feet oughta be pretty sweet/</table>


    Words of Wisdom:

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    color="blue"><table style=filter:GLOW(color=white)>it's perplexity set in a realism of our world/
    it's textual content, stepping stones on broken pearls/
    if wisdom is a need be vent for visualizing truth/
    then let be proof, demise the break between adults and youth/</table>

  4. #4
    is Power Nahlidge's Avatar
    Join Date
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    Awards Legendary Member Legendary Battle Legendary OM OM HOF
    This was a dope piece ... To me anyway ... ^They juss into that net rhymin' too much ... I felt this quite a bit ... Shit was aight ... Some nice lines ... But also a couple not worth puttin in here nah mean ? ... But anyway ... Juss keep doin' ur thing girl ... Peace

    A.i

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    *Click one of ^those to check out my music and shit

  5. #5
    Handcuffs
    Guest
    Some MC's are like 3" dicks..I'm not feelin' it/
    /\ loved it

    loved the whole thing man, period

  6. #6
    I found a prefix!!!! f-gee's Avatar
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    Awards WOP Champion
    i thought this was alright actually
    good job
    although u need help and improvement to your rhyme scheme and vocabu had some good lines and some funny stuff in there too
    props
    You need Ghost Dog in your DVD collection


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    it's a bold statement - the new youtube

  7. #7
    Av1r3x
    Guest
    thanx for all the replies I appreciate it.It soundz betta in person trust me.I'll try to return tha favor to ya'll,Stay ^
    -Avi

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