Corrupted Visions: Blinded By Love (Romeo and Juliet)

**FanTa ZeE** · December 31st, 2003, 07:30 AM

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hreadid=102536
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hreadid=102493
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hreadid=101684

Mixed Emotions running high, my heart takes over my mind/
For sake of criminal passion spiteful lips now entwined/
From putrid hatred sprouts love as we rose from the bad state/
Lustful feelings regenerate, is this really our true fate/
Or just another mistake? another shot at heartache/
And heartbreak, would my lover prove to be fake?/
God grant me this one wish....make him mine/
Let it be that were partners, until the end of our time/
Born as rivals, now formed the strictest alliance/
The art of this love making, goes much deeper than science/
Parents complience, fails to change the final decision/
To strike a division, would starve the root of this mission/
Tears roll down my cheeks as i hold him so tight, so scared to lose him/
Prepared to put up a fight, to the death i surrender, sacrifice my own life/
I would die in his arms, just to make sure he's alright/
He's only one person, in this cruel wretched place/
But to me he means everything, that nothing could replace/
Its so wrong, and yet, it feels so necessary/
I'm no longer a Capulet, a name is only heriditary/

**Antonio Banderas** · December 31st, 2003, 07:35 AM

The Good - Flowed pretty well. Good choice of words.

The Bad - Try to add metas into this writing. It will then be untouchable. Also, try to even out the bars in your future writings.

The piece earned a 7.3/10...

PS. -

Return the love and drop an honest vote here:

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...tonio+banderas

**FanTa ZeE** · December 31st, 2003, 07:52 AM

Thanks for the feed...and to Corrupted Visionz..i'm sorry this post is early..but i might not be able to get online on the assigned day so i'm just making sure i post something up...

love

**Endeva.** · December 31st, 2003, 08:18 AM

not a bad choice of topics...quite enjoyed the read..... flow was good specially with the wording... complexity was ok... maybe some nice wordplay would set it off...but as is good drop.....keep reppin...pZ... stay up...

**Mimesis.** · December 31st, 2003, 10:46 AM

yo liba did u join uf?...........cause i just saw this exact open mic over there...............and i already left feedback over there, but iono if thats u...........

**Mistral** · December 31st, 2003, 02:30 PM

Yeah i agree this was a good drop here.....i liked it....structure was alright, could use a touch up but still good though....flow in this was nice, it stayed on point through out the piece never really fell off....but overall this was a good drop....keep at it.