SS: No Tomorrow

[The Realist]

Way she wears her clothes, hugging the curves never fails
Her dimples, her slightly up turned nose and her cute pigtails
Her hazel mirrors shone, she had me by the first glance
Disaster was prone, but I had to take the worst chance
She change my style, now I always ask for her opinion
Similar to her smile, her profile’s ahead of the competition
As we became more intimate, we shared many hidden facts
My hands explored her summit, she helped with my climax
The sins in my mind were regressing, recoiled like a spring
My barrier was only paper thin, the secret labeled string
We both graduated at the same time, but different grades
Our purity is called a crime, only because she’s underage
Our love is a frail state, opinions make me cold and hollow
Why is she called jail bait, without her there is no tomorrow
Every city that I mapped, I will never live down that label
I have never kidnapped, but I have just robbed the cradle

Masta C – Try Me
Sureal – Drugs
Token – Fictional Piece

If Possibe Can I Get Feedback On: Flow, Imagry, Content, Structure, Vocab, Wordplay...Thank You

[Knight Mayor]

OK IM NOT GONNA GIVE FEEDBACK BY UR STANDARDS BECUZ EVERYTHING WUZ ILL DAWG AND U JUSS KEEP EM COMIN CUZ THAT SHIT WUZ STRAIGHT FIRE PEACE

If u aint got ne thing usefull to say than dont day ne thing
-Edicius

[noncentz]

i wish you were still omen pop though you fell off some before you have obviecely rekindled your burning desire and skill this is just evidence.

[Sureal]

Flow Was The Best I've Seen From You, Fell Off In Some Places, Where A Word Should Have Been Added Or Takn Away, But Overall Good.
Imagery Was Alright, I Had a Good Sense Of What Was Going On, You Just Need To Work On This A Little Bit.
Content Was Interesting, I Liked The Way You Came About The Pedaphile/ Cradle Robber View.
Structure Was A Little Bit Lacking, This Is The Reason That The Flow Fell Off A Couple Times, Cuz Lines Had To Be Stretched To Fit The Structure.
And Lastly Vocab Was Great, Broad Horizon Of Words Was Used, And Most Fit Well And Worked With The Story.

Overall: A Very Nice Peice.

[Knight Mayor]

OK FINE THEN ILL SAY SUMTHIN ELSE OK WELL U SHOULD UP YOUR VOCAB JUSS A LIL BIT AND YEAH UR FLOW DID FALL OFF AT TIMES SO THERE HAPPY NOW EDICIUS?

[Ken Dawg]

Was kinda wack..just work on the essentials (flow, multis,etc)..you will elevate over time..peace

[Av1r3x]

nice imagery and vocab,u didnt overdo it on either.Obviuosly based onsum real sh!t and u explained tha situation very well.Stay ^
-Avi

[Formula]

Nice drop man. It was deep, very real. The last few bars was reminded me of R. Kelly, hah. Multi's were there, just not very useful. Flow stayed on, I really didn't see where it fell off. Guess it was the way I read it. Vocab was standard really, could be upped more. Some imagery was there, but if you were going for more, then you failed. Content was dope though, nice meaning to it. Enjoyed the read man.

Every city that I mapped, I will never live down that label
I have never kidnapped, but I have just robbed the cradle
^^ Dope ender man, real nice.

Keep um comin cuz.

-Formula.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=90922 ** Lemme get some feedback? **

[The Realist]

Originally posted by Av1r3x
Obviuosly based onsum real sh!t and u explained tha situation very well.Stay ^ -Avi

What are you crazy...this is a fantasy...i dont break the law
Blame my sister...always watching that damn Hillary Duff...
Thanx for feedback...sorry im not good enough Ken

[Handcuffs]

We both graduated at the same time, but different grades
Our purity is called a crime, only because she’s underage

loved it, havn't seen much of your shit, i like it so far

[-uski-]

lol ^that was mi favourite line too

allround nyce shit keep it crackin aiight Peace (v)