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Thread: City Child

  1. #1
    Soule
    Guest

    City Child

    Ghost
    PRESENTS
    City Child


    -
    -
    I had stopped, this night, at a corner where the traffic lights
    flaunt their tricolour blooms in monotonous cycles.
    I noticed the child as he stood, his bare feet clasping the
    pavement, his short dressing gown revealing pale limbs
    like the stems of sun-starved seedlings.
    His face was sharp, honed perhaps by a knowledge of the
    alleyways.
    In a world of bitumen and towering glass,
    he watched the hurrying crowd, unconscious of their buffeting,
    and scanning faces anxiously; whom did he seek?
    Sometimes he glanced upwards where the god Neon
    embroidered the midnight sky with garish dogmas.
    -

    -
    -
    How I wish that child the tenderness of grass beneath his feet,
    soft foliage to brush his hands.
    But most I wished him a blossom tree
    to cast confetti petals on his sad scarecrow hair.
    -

    -
    -
    The lights changed. The cars behind me registered impatience.
    Guilty in my warm comfort I pressed the accelerator,
    knowing I would be haunted by the small figure
    remaining in the petrol fumes of his concrete chasm where the
    warehouses reared like sandstone cliffs in a dark forest of
    factories.
    Last edited by Soule; August 25th, 2007 at 09:30 PM

  2. #2
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: City Child

    I loved it, you will to.

  3. #3
    Abraxas
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    1,973
    Battle Record
    13-1

    Re: City Child

    You act like this is yuor best work.
    Ima feed later.
    Percept Shun

  4. #4
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: City Child

    Well it is, Onslaught even said so.

    And for the younger, small minded readers that claim to be good writers. If you do not understand the words I used in this piece then hit up a dictionary or pay CLOSER attention in school.

  5. #5
    Aka WestBank Leonidas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Southwest Florida
    Age
    34
    Posts
    26,203
    Battle Record
    78-5
    Awards 75+ Wins

    Re: City Child

    Hmm..This is very different for me to read since I tend to stick to the O.M. side of things. But your vocab was really on point and wasnt too dull, and it didnt come off as you trying to use too big of words to fit into small lines. Everything seemed to fall together and just fit in nicely. And the pictures just added that much more emotion to your piece, which was a good thing. Other than that, I really dont know what else to say cause this is the first time I read anything in here and left feed.
    RB OG Triple OG

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  6. #6
    Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Steel City
    Age
    34
    Posts
    4,768
    Battle Record
    40-9

    Re: City Child

    word. Well let me see. on the real. i actually like this. Real open minded track. i'd have to smoke a nice blunt in order for me to write about this kind of stuff. LOL. The imagery is real nice in this one. Overall i haven't really seen any of your other work so i can't tell you if this was your best peice, but what i can tell you is that this is really good.

    RTF and drop a vote in this battle
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ce-345727.html

  7. #7
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: City Child

    Thanks guys.

    Wow @ 17 views and only 2 people feedin. Favors returned and waiting for more.
    Last edited by Soule; August 25th, 2007 at 11:02 PM

  8. #8
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: City Child

    Up and over.

  9. #9
    Chemo sick Plexus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Roll Tide
    Age
    36
    Posts
    5,532
    Battle Record
    16-4

    Re: City Child

    yes it was good..now the way your making it sound you think its HOF worthy but i disagree. i may be wrong and it may be your best piece but im not familiar with your work. anyways. The vocab like others said wasnt to tuff for the less smart Rbers yet not to simplistic hich is good. Imagry was a strong point and the pics boosted it up. The emotion however i felt lacked a little bit but overall it was a good piece..short feed you know me rofl
    Monster's Ink

    2xOMHoF


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  10. #10
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: City Child

    You are familiar with my work lol. We were tag team partners in WIM. We are former VI bretheren. thankyou for the feed.

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