Pool A Semi's: Atticus vs. The Witness

[fastforwords]

http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/5...ipturesax8.jpg
NEW YEAR KICK-OFF

POOL-A SEMI FINALS

Atticus vs. The Witness

Verses due Saturday February 10th, 2007
Winner advances to Pool-A Finals.

[Atti]

haha, check again.

[Witty]

lol word, g'luck dude.

check

[Atti]

this city chalk-line bleeds from the root
of its last cedar stalk-
by the final walk of midnight
the farmers' moon falls from his fine tuned
comb.

About in twos- aerial passes wrap the clouds in noose..
.. surrounding blue hues in burial masses,
pounding roots, and cherry coals pass around his tune!
Entombed in tears of old passions..
.. he holds matches to browning truth
as dueling jets sheer those last thin clouds with muse!

his light dims

as metropolis corrodes the oceanside
and beauty's raped
along the country thigh

and those bounding blues bare their easels ashes..
.. below the dead leave and pine needle mattress.
The sadden chief, sits aside three oak padded trees
grabbing each sceneful as his, throat coats in atrophy..
.. and old majesties slope with slender leafs
and splintered notes render noble galaxies,
almost hopeless;
the bounds of trees leave broken balance beams
as we hold red bounty..
.. in the talons feet as the falcons equal quotient.
The soul opens, balance seizes, and the needles soke in.

under chrome trees,
mangled in the rusted weeds
and tumble

scrapmetal-

the air concludes in glass lips;
while smog and sludge
make love
to the plastic caribou.

Black suits pollute the open canopy stab wounds..
.. the gash blooms bruised, and broken branch only adds to
the collapse through, the age of natures greatest snafu;
mass move open handedly subdues oaken fantasies
to construe 'cool,' which only has use with cash flutes..
.. money trees, and the hundred leaf's golden symphonies,
that the last true american, can't seem to sing in key.
Global spread indecency spans: transatlantic mobile spends
a grand at vanish, cultural death intent fee for freeman
.. wrote, sold, ready to replace teepees with photography stands;
a bundle of C-notes and advantage moguls head
the industrial path we Gen.

smoke stacks rob the holes
of his broken totem poles-
gravestones marked with red tape
and the great buffalo

only roams for hundreds.

someone's daughter
wants another playground;
so he'll pack life away

White houses, and coldisac rape the soul of paths
that tribal pasts might have in fact made a life down..
.. writing down notes in graph,
on stone with bone n' grass, a culture in wipe out.

as they place
the seesaw on his clay
frown.

he continues down
the depressed midnight

-holding his spirit
tight.

Plastic deer peer at his face, cold, matted clear..
.. their brazen gaze froze into his sable,
a plastic veneer and blank soul sold in a plastic stable
the day old never would know or pass as here.
He passes near a great home, slate foundation exposed
with every intrinsic stage made from a different gravestone!
with indifferent gates holding it's glimpses in place..
.. the old wicker man held his sickness in glazed bowls,
stale eyes and fragile pupils dilated by the weight of this april..

he picks the memory
of burning families-
and homeless infants

before he swallows the flames
and spills into the street.

where he used to
sleep.

as his face catches little April playing in the snow..
.. throwing flames and jet planes, saying "DADDY, LET IT BLOW!"
Daddy, let this home of no one important torch and
have me happy in the notion of forests standing no more..
.. no more than that poor beggar, holding his hand over
his torn ledger heading for..

the door!

http://www.jimandellen.org/ellen/KaraWalkerBurn.jpg

[Witty]

Yo, sorry for not posting, I kinda need a one day extension because I had just started my verse and my girlfriend rang me and told me she needed to talk, I've been at her house all day and it's late as fuck now and to be honest I could not be bothered writing a verse.

If you don't want to grant the extension it's cool and I understand, but hopefully you'll see that I wouldn't usually do this unless something important had come up.

so yea.....word.

[Atti]

take it, can't have a no-show in the semi's you hoecake

[Witty]

Hopefully, we can learn to share, turn to prayer
I’m an empty shell, with a burning stare, I yearn to care
----An empty dream-----

Rock
Drifting between moods, eating yesterday’s food
He drives a bummy care, with a missing green hood
His heart doesn’t beat, it taps a mournful tune
This man doesn’t sleep, just dances with the moon
------not a care in the world? Who cares for the world?
We know deep inside, nothing’s fair in this world--------
Bribes, legal battles, children starving, eco-havoc, death
Hullabaloo <--- the last word of our world on it’s dying breath
Singing in the rain, with brains stinging in the pain
Sanity’s insane, this man begs beneath the cane
---------whose life‘s the best? do we live our life obsessed
With the test that arrives after death? The after math of breath---------
Struggling to the top, puzzling the drop, crying final tears
Wondering if he drops, will the struggle really stop?
Or does pain adhere?

Scissors
‘Slicing through life, forget the past, the present’s a gift’
^this weeks advice from the ‘happy’ calendar on her fridge
A million dollar baby, grown to be a successful actress
Heir of a fortune…………..can’t stomach a breakfast
Tooth brush - in- mouth - her daily routine
And you know what I mean, when nothing gets clean
Just a sickly smell, and a puddle of yellow in the sink
Her figure is important, she’s an example to her kids
‘celebrity mom of the year’ envied by peers
Got a brand new boyfriend and a Grammy this year
‘ Amy come here’…….. ‘I’m not Amy, I’m Hailey’
‘yea, that’s what I mean….come over here baby’
Neglecting her kids, a downward spiral to depression
Smile in photo sessions, then cry while she’s undressing
-----------happiness can’t be measured by money or fame
To be really happy, don’t be part of the game------------
Keeping quiet, while climbing to the roof, more so to the truth
Pushed over the edge, by a fucking recording booth

Paper
Plain white, verbally abused by his high school peers
In a black community, forced to hide his fears
He’s dope on the mic, he can flow, he can write
But won’t be accepted, cuz he looks like snow in the night
Dropped out of school, thinking he’s cool taking drink and drugs
Being locked up made him think he’s a thug,
He’s a puppet
-follow-the-leader- become ‘one with the crowd’
The teenage dream, with darkness under its shroud
He can tell he’s not wanted, he can see he’s an outcast
It kills him inside, he needs a way out --------- fast
So he sprints to the top, gets in a mince, will he stop?
No! he’ll be a laughing stock, he has to drop

Rock, scissors, paper, the symbol of a tired race
They may be different, but their dream has the same expired pace

[soulstice.]

v ...atti?

I thought this would be quite a close battle, but he seemed to snatch it away easily this round. Witness disappointed me, i thought for sure he would come stronger, he had a good storyline, and some good relative emotion, ‘

Amy come here’…….. ‘I’m not Amy, I’m Hailey’
‘yea, that’s what I mean….come over here baby’

that was intereseting, but the flow wasn't as silky as it usually is and the metaphors werent as complex as they are suauslly. your checkerboard piece last week... (pretty sure it was you) was complex and silky smooth with flow. this piece not so much. not a bad piece at all, just not up to witnesses sandard. atticus however, came hjis usual strong self, and his metaphors were complex but very understnadable in the long run, and he made it flow very well with good internal rhyme schemes,
.......Another plus here. if both pieces were metaphorless then witness wouldve taken it on the concept point, but atticus's wording made his concept abstract and interesting, so thats why he takes my vote ein this round

good job and congratulations on making this far, to both.

[Engivale]

Hmmm. I think atticus came wicked with it, that flow was really cool... though I didn't even know what the hell he was talking about more often that not, it did come together and the theme was evident throughout... I was never completely in love with atty's piece, but Witness, you definitely took a step back from last week in terms of the effort you seemed to display in writing the verse... I suppose you were too strapped for time to come as well as maybe you'd have liked to, seeing that you asked for an extension, but it was not enough to overcome atty's verse here.

v atticus

[Nique.]

^I actually agree...

Atti's piece was technically sound, but wtf were you talking about? I found your piece to be very boring, but if it was being graded on prose and technical aspects it'll be the best piece to look at. You had everything, but interest, lol. Witness' piece was more interesting, but lacked the technical aspects. Flow was iffy, and the content was kind of confusing. It looked like a scary replica of Nahlidge's piece, but wasn't executed as well.

v/atticus

[Born To Kill]

I liked em both, but related much more to Witness' verse...

Atti's...well...had everything, technically, that it's supposed to have.

But didn't grab me as much...it didn't seem as real...
Maybe because we're exposed more to what Witness wrote about...
That's more everyday...more of what we're used to seeing.

The Indian take on things, the environment...
Seemed very much like that old commercial where the Indian sees trash all over his land and sheds a tear.

So...yeah...even though everyone's rolling Atti's way...

I'm a go against the grain and VOTE: WITNESS, simply cuz I personally related to and liked it more. Easy, it's the one I'd read twice.

Peace

[Nahlidge]

Vote - Atti

Better written techinically all around. Your flow/rhyme scheme`s have come a long way in a short period of time. Content was cool. Some of it a little to over the top I thought lol. Witness had an aight piece that I thought was cool. But a simple take on the topic pulled off in an ok way. Coulda been better.

[Maven.]

Well, now I see why Atticus stays at the top. Your piece was complex, and interesting and well...awesome. I loved reading it.
I think the reason people ^above had issues with interest is because there's no discernible human perspective for most of the piece. But it just completely summed up the human/city living condition, and even compared it with those in society who are usually viewed as innocent-children. Exceptional work.

Witness- Your piece was rushed, I can tell. I liked the breakdown into rock paper and scissors, even though Nah did something similar with his piece. You tried to sum up the human condition, or at least the Western human condition but didn't really spend enough time tying all the stories together. I also don't think three stories are enough to sum it all up. It's either one, or millions. I especially liked the part about the starlet in distress...it's something everybody suspects, and is kind of obsessed with, but never bluntly states.

ANYWAY-vote goes to atticus for being so goddamn eloquent.

[fastforwords]

Atticus wins and is in the final.