SSNY Pool A: 1. Dov vs. 22. Laureate

[fastforwords]

http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/5...ipturesax8.jpg
NEW YEAR KICK-OFF

1. Dov vs. 22. Laureate

Verses due Wednesday January 31st, 2007
Winner advances to Semi-Final; Loser is eliminated.

[Laureate]

Im the highest seed yay
gl atty

[Atti]

tik', you can keep putting me in as Atticus rather than dov. but yeah, goodluck laur.

[Laureate]

False Impression Unmasked


Fish for an angel, casting gazes to constellations
each cold breath further clouding my vision
Why bother with days, they’re just God’s creations
I can’t get rid of time, ironic! Leaves me bedridden

Riddle me a future with unsolved mysteries of the past
the hour glass stalls when tears hit and clump the sand
Don’t ask me how, time learned how to crawl
when it was never an infant…
for the first time the present is here and now
Repetition follows new, déjà vu taking over
weak drawing closer despite days getting slower
Strength sapped by the collapse of monumental occasions
and scratching at the surface only leaves abrasions

Copy paste free will, for possessions are just obsessions
and I never really lived, so I couldn’t learn life lessons
Sign the signature of death, as my presence waivers
and it’s marked in blood from unintentional favors

Alas, how tragic the magic appears to the captive
bad trick hastily bandaged, forcing the advantage
I can’t stand the truth! While lying on my back
gazing to the heavens trying to unmask the black
Want to solve the final mystery, skipping to the end
fast forward the boring parts, with knife in hand
So much left confusing, seeing not quite believing
why is something left, with no purpose or meaning

One must touch to feel, pointing to what’s not real
finger painting air with the precision of a needle
Paranoia shaking grounds, eyes red with a constant stare
because you can’t unmask, what was never there

Because…
some things are better left, buried in the depths
and uncovering them isn’t worth the energy spent

[Atti]

This dim lit boarder, atmosphere black as fear
.. with sick fists contorted
at the rear of his stratosphere, sitting in the corner.
No one's listening, Porter.
The door works past the mirror's form..
.. 4 ears more, and not a single pass to hear
this fractured tear- nor we're sure
we're even nearer;
the evening nears morn..
.. yet, we keep hearing queer horns
blast the clear form of splashing tears..
.. and breaths form, from the back of here:
the massive sheer head board..
.. where that action near renders me severed!

-beside myself..

the sky sells thunder again!
.. quickly grip these sheets, and cover my head!
shutter and then, realize- I'm by myself..
.. alone in my own head, beside the monster under my bed
rewinding the time sets, to show the blunder I set..
.. in motion on the moment of fight n'
where I'm knee high in covers; my breath flees by
and slights the head behind mine..

AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

.. and I realize
it's just my childish brother, beside my violent shutter!
JEEZ! why are you being so silent!?..
.. he tries n' mutters some kind of clutter,
just cries, and weazing, holds my hand.
Stop being gay

He's holding his chest, in jest probably.
He's getting too old for these pests
.. probably, hears these oddities on Tv.
Now he's short of breaaaaath, hm sure dude
.. clenching his chest, yeah, what's next?
-Jerk, you just never stop persute..
.. until someone's upset, you're crude!
Stop, let go of my things before you 'puuuuuke'
.. you lose, now step aside gottit!?
I'm not deaf, I'm ignoring you!

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!

blah blah blah..
.. it's nooooot my proooob.

pl- . . .

http://www.davidkrut.com/artimages/dumas-facelessth.jpg

[fastforwords]

two completely different flows. laureate - you were pretty solid the entire way through, i felt a few spaces were a little off (maybe just a syllable) and they only seemed to disrupt the flow for a split second. your first 4 lines in itallics was the low point of the verse, which is sad to see, i woulda liked you to open on a bang and just ride it out - a found those lines to be the less appealing in flow and content. overall - this is one of the best i've read from you recently.

atticus - flow was weird, you really have to get into it in order to really rock out while reading, you handle it well and i think unique is the best way to describe your writing, you have a good take on topics always original and i don't know anyone writing in that structure at the moment, really sets you apart. however, i found a few word choices in the beginning caused me to trip up in the rhythem a little bit - stratosphere and atmosphere rhymed but didn't seem natural enough kinda forced or at least how i read it. the last part was really hot, flow was raw but i don't like how you used chest in the multi-set twice, i had to go back and read it a couple times and then aloud and it just didn't seem on par with what you usually come with.

overall, i'm surprised at how close this match really was - dope; glad to see you both showed and did your thing. i wasn't expecting this to be what it was. umm, i'm gonna sit on this, im finding it hard to vote but i'll edit it after i do a third/forth reading this afternoon.

edit: after a lot of contemplation - i gotta give it to atticus.
story wasn't as strong as he usually drops but his flow was
more unique - i was really feelin' it.

[Twixn...]

Atti

The door works past the mirror's form..
.. 4 ears more, and not a single pass to hear
this fractured tear- nor we're sure
we're even nearer;

^^ dope

i felt like you put alot of effort into the first verse Atti... but as i read on there was a nice little twist with the character's bro being there instead of the monster... but i still felt like something was missing near the end... like you could have added just a bit more too take this win..

Lyric-

Strength sapped by the collapse of monumental occasions
and scratching at the surface only leaves abrasions

^dope

Sign the signature of death, as my presence waivers
and it’s marked in blood from unintentional favors

^ dope

Paranoia shaking grounds, eyes red with a constant stare
because you can’t unmask, what was never there

^simple but i liked it...

hmmm you had a nice poetic feel to this... almost alot like my style but with a little more direction ... great work... i enjoyed the read. i thought it could have been a bit more focused but it was still a good read.

Hmmm i thought this match could have gone both ways.. but i felt lyric came pretty dope and surprised me... while Atti i was a little dissapointed... but still was a nice flowing good piece... but not as solid as most things i read from you... very close match up...

Vote - Oblivion Shadow

haha as in Laureate

[Nahlidge]

Vote - Atti

Laureate had a nice piece. I liked the take on the topic. Nice message. Some parts I thought the flow was dragged out too long. But idk. Maybe it`s just not the style of flow I like to read. But besides that I liked the piece.

Atti had crazy ass rhyme scheme in the first stanza. I thought the piece was dope. After the "aaaaaaah" part. The mood of it just grabbed me a lot. And the way it was written was sick. Pulled me in more. Like the "stop being gay" line. I can relate to that shit havin` a little brother lol. So I picture me sayin` that shit. Idk. It was just a lot more entertainin` to me on a personal level than Laur`s piece. So gotta go with Atti on this.

[Born To Kill]

Lyric...

Riddle me a future with unsolved mysteries of the past
the hour glass stalls when tears hit and clump the sand

That shit...

Strength sapped by the collapse of monumental occasions
and scratching at the surface only leaves abrasions

And that shit...

some things are better left, buried in the depths
and uncovering them isn’t worth the energy spent

And this...

Had me going "woah" like I was philosophizing with Bill, Ted, & Socrates...
Nice, deep, thought provoking shit.

All in all, a very cool verse...

Atti...

I liked yours alot too...not crazy about your format and scheme...but it flowed just fine...personal preference is all.
Odd story you wove...nice throwback to childhood...childhood fears and shit.
Cool and weird twist with your bro at the end...
What is he, having a heart attack at that young age?
And why are you so indifferent? Why ain't ya helping?
Maybe you're too young to know what's up. I dunno.

Anyway...really original and really well written...

Still...I was left all awed by parts of Lyric's...

So Vote: Laureate...by just a bit...this was close.

[Engivale]

I just wanna say... this is tough... very very even to me... so I'm gonna wait a day and come back to read and decide because you're both owed quite a bit of deliberation on this, I wanna be sure I'm certain of who I think has the better verse overall. Good job to both they were both interesting, Laur's maybe a bit more truth about being a person, but atty with a very clever concept from his picture and a great flow scheme... tough to call, so i'll hit it back.

EDIT: After a reread, I think atty deserves credit for his attention to detail on his flow... It was at a higher level of technical execution than that of Laureate's verse. Though the story wasn't of much interest to me and some of it seemed a little odd, it certainly had a rhythm and was well structured. Laureate, you had some good stuff, but just not enough of it and for the lines that were put together real well, there were lines that were not every time, so despite your message remaining clear and, to me, more true to life than Atticus' piece, I felt your writing was not as well done, so he should be rewarded for that.

Vote: Atticus

[Witty]

ok, dope ass battle. Laureate surprised me, well I would really say it was surprising because I know what he's capable of, but this is far better than anythin he has written so far this season in my opinion. The flow was a bit off in places, but the story was just dope, and the real life shit in this was dope. I really liked the read Laur, keep coming with this kinda shit. props. Atticus also came with a dope as fuck piece, well written with a nice little twist at the end which wasn't expected. He really made me read, the flow was perfect from word go, and everything else was basically perfect too in my opinion. This was a new style atticus, and I have to say I realy enjoyed it. So I'm giving my vote to you, your piece was slightly more interesting. Props dude

v/Atticus

[soulstice.]

vote: atticus

both these pieces were very complex and abstract, something i have come to know from having the fortune of being head-to-head and losing to both in apoetry match ups. both had insane concepts which they made seem even doper with the jagged metaphors and the sick concepts injected into both of the pieces, mechanincs wise, atticus had abn excellent flow that switched up between two slightly different rhymes in the first stanza, and continued to do so in others, which makes the flow soooosilky ot me, a personal prefrence? maybe, but i love flowing like that, laureate had his word cjhoice down, with a complex rhyme scheme, a strong vocabulary, and a complex rhyme scheme that's hjard to get with the metaphors. however, in a battle of two abstract minds, it just comes out to who melts down the metaphors and lays them out in the better wording, and atticus had the mechanics and the intereseting story, while laureate just came a tad weaker than him in those categories. nice battle.

[fastforwords]

Atticus came through in the end and picked up the win.
laureate, that was a good attempt - keep droppin like that
in the future and you'll be an amazing competitor.