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Thread: Ashes.

  1. #1
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    Ashes.

    Life’s such a drag with a lot of nothing to brag about.
    She pulls her doubts in,
    And is still doubting when she exhales them out.
    Derailed by bouts… of depression and anxiety,
    She’s still stressing stale amounts in each breath’s variety.
    Death has silently crept inside of Bree & quietly slept.
    As she kept denying each sign that she’s dieing to get.
    He keeps reminding Bree….
    But she doesn’t seem to mind the regrets…
    Or the cold sweats and upset stomach that she gets…
    Or the cough that just seems to explode in her chest…
    Or the pain in her lungs sung by abuse and neglect…
    From years of being cool in front of her peers at prep.
    To her career, It was clear that it would appear in step…
    And survive any stride if she had tried to jet.
    Cause every time she would get… close to leaving,
    It would control her breathing & expose it’s meaning.
    It holds her, keeping… her trapped in addiction.
    And she acts like she isn’t…
    Until her doctor shocks her with the facts he’s listed.
    And as she listens, the tears fall & distracts her vision.
    And as she listens, her years fall & subtracts her living.
    Now she’s given an estimate of time until her last day.
    She burnt her self out; Learnt her doubts the fast way.
    Her life turned out…
    To be nothing more than a cigarette in an ashtray.

    The result of her ashes resulted in her Ashes.
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









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  2. #2
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  3. #3
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    Re: Ashes.

    This was a very well put together OM...The topic and it's content was very emotional and descriptive...as I could envision every thing described...I love the way it flowed easily as I read through it without even stummbling on one word...not much else to say..just overall dopeness...Keep it ^ and RTF....


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  4. #4
    is Power Nahlidge's Avatar
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    Re: Ashes.

    Same topic I picked last week. had to peep it lol. Nice drop. Prolly one of the best flowin` pieces I`ve seen from you. Rhyme schemes were dope. Nice take on the topic.
    It holds her, keeping… her trapped in addiction.
    And she acts like she isn’t…
    Until her doctor shocks her with the facts he’s listed.
    And as she listens, the tears fall & distracts her vision.
    And as she listens, her years fall & subtracts her living.
    Now she’s given an estimate of time until her last day.
    She burnt her self out; Learnt her doubts the fast way.
    Her life turned out…
    To be nothing more than a cigarette in an ashtray.
    Dug that part. Said a lot without tryin` to force it. We gotta do another collab duke.

    A.i

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  5. #5
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    Re: Ashes.

    Much appreciated
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









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  6. #6
    Underdawgs on top Tebo's Avatar
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    Re: Ashes.

    Nice. Worded good like said above me. I think if you used more open variety of words to replace some, your peices really couldn't get better. Variety of more elaborant words.

  7. #7
    The Notorious E.N.G. Engivale's Avatar
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    Re: Ashes.

    Yea, I'd like to comment on how well the flow was from you, I agree with nah that this was one of your best flowing pieces I've ever had the chance to read. Topic was like, well, you know as well as I do it's not very grasping, but you kept me engaged and kept it up to beat and didn't let this piece slip away. I am always a sucker for flow and you pulled it off pretty damn nicely in this. Just like you were talking the whole time, I was with it the whole time to a good little beat in my head and it was pretty damned fun actually to read along to, so kudos for that, few OMs that I read really get me singing along and don't lose me. Your syllable counts were perfect.

    Nice execution, gl in SS, peep my latest verse in OM if u get time. Peace.

    Engivale

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."


  8. #8
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    Re: Ashes.

    Thanks Eng. Just hit up your piece too.
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title! StoOoOne420's Avatar
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    Re: Ashes.

    this is a deadly rhyme... i especially like "The result of her ashes resulted in her Ashes." thats deep... thats a mad rhyme jus talkin about dying from cigarettes keep it up<3

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  10. #10
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    Re: Ashes.

    Thank you.
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  11. #11
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    Re: Ashes.

    Good ish...I like the description in the beginning, molding her life into a cigarette...

    Very good description...It ended pretty ubruptly...But that's the only thing I didn't like...The last couple of lines were very deep...And I loved the Scheme yolu threw in every once in a while...


    Good ish...
    This is my signature...

  12. #12
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    Re: Ashes.

    Thanks man. Up...
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  13. #13
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: Ashes.

    this was a nice flowing rhyme here EVOLVE your best i think from all your pieces or at least one of your bests implemented aswell with good emotion and wording was on point..the content was also good... i just liked the story aswell i just loved the flow though man seriously like what nah said and what ENG said aswell man seriously it was just such a nice flow it had to be madly complemented on man nice job on that also on that ashtray part with nah quoting was koo man a nice concept and flip man i liked this piece it was just full of good creativity and positive writing skills displayed man nice job

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  14. #14
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    Re: Ashes.

    Thanks... i will hit yours up when i have a lil more time.
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  15. #15
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    Re: Ashes.

    Is that it?
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

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