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Thread: "Bye": Your side

  1. #1

    "Bye": Your side

    What Happened to you?

    Do you remember the sunshine?

    Is that too bright for you now?

    Now that you have some downtime

    Some wind down, while you get wound up,

    Silently over highly not profound stuff.

    You're not insignificant but your worries are.

    There's ways to change or live with it, so don't hurry to scars.



    You're a spitting image of a gritting grimace,

    Not fitting in this is the reminiscent image:

    Where I think about your smile, laugh

    And the path you took, which has you shook,

    And not peering back at your past but LOOK.



    Just gaze back at your timeline, maybe for a lifeline,

    And there's a 50-50 difference between then and now as far as you as a friend of mine.

    Come take a poll of the so called trolls in this audience,

    Who try to console you but are given no control.

    And they aren't applauding this, "oh no"

    I'm not trying to get Freudian but

    "We caught his grin constantly since that's what he brought with him

    And nowadays without warrant he coward plays,

    This frosts his limbs and the "coldness of the world"

    Is an idea he now gets lost within".

    I'm sending calls to him,

    Phoning a friend,

    But he never picks up either his phone or his chin.



    He won't even smirk; he claims to hate his work,

    He pretends to act nice towards advice but away he jerks.



    I guess I can't help him

    Once he decided to delve in,

    The pit of selfish

    Self-destructive rebellion.

    I'm unwanted company,

    Buying stock in helpful remarks,

    He says to hell with me.



    But don't ever sell me short, don't ever shortchange me,

    I know I'm not sagely,

    But I saw you acting strangely,

    And I blatantly offered care,

    And all you cared to do was besiege me,

    I guess you found friends with which you can be deranged, "D"

    But when the chemicals wear off

    Are you still thinking playfully?



    It seems to me an issue of your apathy,

    But I'm expressing interest when you aren't looking at me happily.

    "No one seems to care"?

    I guess I'm a "no one" caring.

    When I see you wearing and tearing it scares me so I warily act fairly to try to care for your bare needs, but you despairingly barely even let me stare, you're not sharing.

    So now I'll wait for your return,

    I'll wait and save my energy

    For when its time we learn,

    When you wish to see the friend in me.



    When you teach me your problems,

    And I teach you to solve them.

    This is a resolution revolution

    I'm trying to be your godsend,

    And loot out all your god damn pollution

    And if I bomb man?

    Doesn't trying count?

    "A pirate's life for me" is a piece of mine to check out.

    When the tide amounts, when you're down and out,

    When you're by my side on all accounts,

    I'll be there like always,

    Lending an ear to hear your times you have to talk about.



    When you come back with stories to tell,

    Will they be boring as hell?

    Since when you party your memory is hardly

    as active as man who down ten stories fell?



    Do you remember me?

    I know it seems easy but the drugs don't help,

    Enough people love you for you to love yourself.

    So come on.

    I miss you friend.

  2. #2
    Can't teach you my swag! D. Josey's Avatar
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    Re: "Bye": Your side

    I loved this piece, this was absolutely great. This is the traditional style of poetry I'm used to before I came to this site, and this was a hidden treasure among the numerous open poems on this site. Not abstract much, but an interesting format and rhyme scheme, and I'm not going to lie, this was dope. You have so much potential, and I'm sorry for the absence of feed. This was a great piece, and I feel you are a great writer. This makes me want to change up my style to a more logical sense instead of abstract reads all the time. All in all, good one.

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  3. #3

    Re: "Bye": Your side

    Thanks a bunch man, I really appreciate the feedback. This is alot less abstract than my other stuff, but i was writing about a real issue and it was for my buddy, so i felt obligated to make it simple but effective, after performing it at an open mic he showed up at, we became close friends again. I'll be posting more stuff here to hopefully entertain a bit wider audience. (I'll post "a pirates life for me" so maybe that line makes some more sense) Hope all is well!

  4. #4
    Midwest Patriots Da Patriot's Avatar
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    Re: "Bye": Your side

    aight
    Mak'in History!!

  5. #5

    Re: "Bye": Your side

    i tried to keep it simple cause the friend i wrote it about is pretty daft, it was a message i wanted him to understand so i was straightforeward with it, it was a new approach as far as my writing style.

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