Hard Life

[P. Mortuus]

Hard times

Commiserations & mockery to congregations in rockery
Rotten with graves Atticus gave superman an obituary
Ictus attacks slaves to viscous sacks of burnt scriptures
Urns in pictures, Michael’s work burns in citrus, disrupters
Disturb the disturbed pieces weathered by dust & spittle
Kittle appreciations from deviations, world cries a little
Damned & controlled by dams, logs and various matter
Carious tatter regurgitated, recycled to a Hollywood platter
Fatter… your kids eat the burnt saliva & moulded meat
Scolded through teach, teachers take a seat to greet
A new curriculum, war is written by victors, so is it true?
That the vortex yielded to break the Baron through

Puff out the smoke, rip up the air
Skip the fair, strangle to choke
Stall & rise afloat, dipping a dare
Snipping the hair, snorting the coke

Hard times or past crimes catching up in the last lines
Tines are broken, so the 2 halves are chosen & choked
Allies spoke to release a false airwave of Falsettos
Blind eyes blinded by fogged monocles, logged chronicles
packed chronologically, then soaked untracked, un-stacked
Backed to attack the girl a drunken neighbour, missed then lacked
The power to give mercy to her who cowers under his eyes
depreciated societies & lies; you’re telling me it’s not hard times?

Slip in my hands, fall in my hope
I’ll order you dope, dip in the bands
clip in the stands, call up the pope
Stall in my slope, grip in the strands

Cover the uncovered it’s all you need to breathe
Sheathe the smothered blood heed to ignore & leave
Relieve a lever of levitation of domination against breeds
Of species, false clemencies L sees Mona Knead
Her head against Lisa & Lisa misses her, she paints
them together as one & signs Michael fearing plaints
Nearing saints, sinning giving a new beginning for gains
Shady absolutions to absolute criminals minimal shame
All you need is to believe the disproved theories & lies
Belied to lied leeches lying their ways to laying like spies
Gog & Magog strategising, allying aliasing men to see
Their way it’s a crazy play, a drama, think therefore you be
And maybe you’ll see me, blinding in aesthetics clearly
Nearing a neared coast, toasted & baptized by hypocrisy

Strip me from sleep, stab my soul
Extend my goal, slip me on concrete
Dice my feet, burn me in coal
sinning for what I stole, Baptized in heat

Animal instincts play a part, joker against an acy heart
Racy card, it slaves the art creating a losing start
Pacts cover the facts, he cheated or so you believe
maybe it was stolen & grieved, aces up a gamblers sleeve
He sleeved the thieved property from a propagator
announcing my death in tears, tears of an alligator
Astute dictator; found in undergrounds of old soil
Cold coiled, backstabbed by brothers, charming oil
Grey haired blood boiled facial pigmentation red, foil
Plans to rule his lands, bland handed he’s a war spoil
Appreciated capture, bastard rapture enjoyed in its prime
Depreciated yet seen sublime, tell me it’s not a hard time

.......RIP THE RIBBON
TO ENTER IN HEAVEN

[P. Mortuus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...83#post5372083
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...92#post5372092

[NiNjah Red]

yeah nice piece B . i done spoke a lil on this joint.flow was of da heezy fa' cheezy....
nice complexity to the verse overall as well.... good emotion
went deep as well on certain.al in all a clever piece......... you's a clever mo'fukka f'sho
keep poppin them ones dun

check this if you get time

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=320460

[P. Mortuus]

Thanks, i'll check that link up no doubt

[P. Mortuus]

Yup checked ^.

[P. Mortuus]

Bumpy Knuckles.

[Nique.]

Commiserations & mockery to congregations in rockery

What does that mean exactly? Commiserations? Is that even a word?

Rotten with graves Atticus gave superman an obituary

Obituary didn't rhyme with rockery. You're complimenting Atticus?

Ictus attacks slaves to viscous sacks of burnt scriptures

Ictus attacks slaves to vicious sacks of burn scriptures? Really!? Wtf

Urns in pictures, Michael’s work burns in citrus, disrupters

Disrupters is actually a rock band, but it isn't a word

Disturb the disturbed pieces weathered by dust & spittle

Disturb the disturbed pieces? So we're going to disturb something that's already disturbed?

Kittle appreciations from deviations, world cries a little

I have no idea what you're talking about

Damned & controlled by dams, logs and various matter
Carious tatter regurgitated, recycled to a Hollywood platter

What are you talking about. Carious? What is that?

Fatter… your kids eat the burnt saliva & moulded meat
Scolded through teach, teachers take a seat to greet

Why are teachers taking a seat to greet? What is burnt saliva?

A new curriculum, war is written by victors, so is it true?
That the vortex yielded to break the Baron through

Um. You CAN rhyme for the sake of rhyming (I do that sometimes. It's fun), but when you're rhyming and it doesn't make ANY sense....I tend to get annoyed. This made absolutely NO sense, especially the first stanza. What made me more annoyed is that Ninjah Red said this was hot. I don't think he read it. Or he read it and is as underdeveloped as you. Sorrry to be so brutal, but I wasn't feeling this at all. If you're going to rhyme like that, at least have content, otherwise your writing will suffer. There's no way in the world you're going to be a great writer writing like this. Probably the BEST part of this piece was the fact that you rhymed, but there were some parts that didn't even rhyme well. Wasn't feeling this. Focus on content, then rhyming. Learn to incorporate both smoothly.

[Ascend]

I have to slightly agree with Nique, I kind of didn't understand some of this and the flow was a little hard to follow but the rhyming for the most part was excellent. The stanzas seemed to cover alot of topics all over from what I gathered and I think it was still a pretty good drop. The multies were nice but hand in hand, the imagery wasn't that great. You had a real nice flow here but the way some words went together left me re-reading and lost here and there.
Particularly, I don't have any lines I'd want to quote but I think I was moreso feeling the last verse overall (Made more sence). Yet it still had good flow and so forth.
Nevertheless, this is still a good piece and I know you HAVE made godly pieces in the past but for me this is just one of those 'okay' pieces for you. Keep up.

[Ru Pious]

Piece was Unique ..... but i thank you had a crazy concept going on, also it was present tense. the flow was off and on, cause some words didn't quite me since to me. you also had some good and bad vocabulary. some words didn't fit ya lines well, like you picked words form the dictionary and try in fit it to a perfect structure.i seen better from you, just work on ya concept a bit. keep up the science

[P. Mortuus]

No problem...i'll give a quick explanation on what i mean by the words and all na mean.

What does that mean exactly? Commiserations? Is that even a word?

I’m sure commiserations means the opposite of congratulations..like wishing bad luck...congregations in rockery means a congregation e.g. a church and rockery..well a garden..so that sentence means people i.e. scientists wishthe church or any other religious building bad and mock their ways.

Obituary didn't rhyme with rockery. You're complimenting Atticus?

Obituary and rockery were a loose rhyme...as for giving Atticus a complement..Atticus represents an American...superman i do believe was an American dream superhero..therefore...an American child giving his hero an obituary represents broken dreams.

Ictus attacks slaves to vicious sacks of burn scriptures? Really!? Wtf

Ictus means seizure...seizures attacked the pope...a slave of scriptures..viscous cause religious scriptures are the main cause of wars after greed.

Disrupters is actually a rock band, but it isn't a word

I know..Sometimes writers make their own words..I’m sure you’ve seen it before.

Disturb the disturbed pieces? So we're going to disturb something that's already disturbed?

The disrupters are people..a good example of this would be how that writer “Disturbed” the image of Mona lisa and that other Last meal one to create a disturbed and warped story called Da Vinci Code.

Kittle appreciations from deviations, world cries a little
I have no idea what you're talking about

Kittle is unpredictable...deviations menas departures...therefore unpredictable departures such as various famous and mythical deaths cause the word to cry “a little”

What are you talking about. Carious? What is that?

Carious means infected/rotted...tatter means rubbish like...and well it’s quite notable how rubbish becomes treasure when presented on a Hollywood platter.

Why are teachers taking a seat to greet? What is burnt saliva?

Burnt saliva lol.....an old myth that burger flippers spit in your burgers. Scolded through teach...they are taught new ideals which scold or at the minimum mock their old ideals..ie. Taliban and Iraq...and how the pulbic of Iraq “sat” in wait for the allied governments to teach them freedom.

A new curriculum, war is written by victors, so is it true?
That the vortex yielded to break the Baron through
Vortex is Ninjah red..Baron well that’ me..that was just a joking personal.