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Thread: The Criminal Obessesion

  1. #1
    Can't teach you my swag! D. Josey's Avatar
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    The Criminal Obessesion

    The Criminal Obsession

    Wish, wish, wish, of being suicide rich, rich, rich.

    No older than forty years in age, secluded from vibrant
    reds and greens and suited in all beige, last days of
    Rhetorical reasoning in a depressed stage. The clock
    is accelerated as it goes tick, tick, tick, in her mind
    the cellulite is overwhelming and she could use an
    eyebrow lift, the tummy tuck procedure makes her
    stomach sick, sick, sick, but she will do anything to
    make that pair of pants fit. Abused in twenty years
    of relationship and displacement of false hope, she
    used to jump high, but being called ugly sank her
    boat. The folds of skin and stretch marks of birth
    made not only the arthritic pain worse but it made
    her eyes hurt, to watch scales tip and all lightweight
    chairs go on red alert.

    It was just a normal day, going like anything else
    and she saw that young guy that would make her
    heart melt, and like that – snap she was twenty
    years old again without telepathic help. She would approach
    that handsome blonde man in the cowboy boots and
    thick leather belt, and what she felt was something greater
    than ever, to the extensive age she was no longer bound to
    the tether. When she confronted his beauty he walked away,
    whatever. She wasn’t being blown off, it was just bad weather.

    Wish, wish, wish, of being suicide rich, rich, rich.

    Hard scrrrruubbbs of beauty soap somehow
    finding the beauty afloat.
    Sudsy hope cascaded into a bloody moat,
    her skin was raw and her eyes were closed.
    Poooosssseeeed. Ready for the most and receiving
    the least, The Beauty Beast conniving to make the
    Ugly eras cease. Erosion of the subtle cuteness,
    verge beauty on loose.

    Catherine Johnson, you left me, me, me

    Because you were so insecure,
    My love true and pure,
    And yours blemished and
    uncured.

    You are not yourself anymore.

    I loved you before. But you killed
    your budget trying to love yourself.
    Rest now, you need it.

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  2. #2
    Can't teach you my swag! D. Josey's Avatar
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    Uno

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  3. #3
    Can't teach you my swag! D. Josey's Avatar
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    Dos

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  4. #4
    Soule
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    Nicejob,

    Wording was very nice, structre was bbleh though. The Creativty was wnderful, injoyed it alot. The Imagenation was very realistic and well described dude. Liked the topic and plot as well man. Keep writing. Hope you dont drop this well in our IE batle lol.

    ~Blind.

  5. #5
    Can't teach you my swag! D. Josey's Avatar
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  6. #6
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    really nice shit dude, I really enjoyed this drop. it was really interesting and enjoyable to read. You have a fluency in your writing that i envy, it is easy to realise when reading this peice that you are a very knowledgeable person. I liked this peice dude, it had everything a dope OM needs in my opnion, dope job, keep at it.

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    24 x OM Hall Of Fame

  7. #7
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Sorry it's taken me so long to rtf, but here i am finally

    This was mostly nice, I felt that a few of your metaphors were kind
    of out there and forced, but for the most part I thought this was a
    very well written and intersting read, the topic was nicely handled, I
    can see how someone could make this a boring cliched piece, but you
    approached it in a nice way. Good job
    A few achievements here and there

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  8. #8
    Can't teach you my swag! D. Josey's Avatar
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    up.

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  9. #9
    Can't teach you my swag! D. Josey's Avatar
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    oioioi.

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  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Very creative....this was a very unique topic and take on it....The creativeness of your structure or rhyme scheme was what drew me in wanting more... I like how you incorporated here every aspect being descriptive providing more than enough imagery for the reader to see it in his dreams..

    No older than forty years in age, secluded from vibrant
    reds and greens and suited in all beige, last days of
    Rhetorical reasoning in a depressed stage. The clock
    is accelerated as it goes tick, tick, tick, in her mind
    the cellulite is overwhelming and she could use an
    eyebrow lift, the tummy tuck procedure makes her
    stomach sick, sick, sick, but she will do anything to
    make that pair of pants fit.
    that was my favorite part... overall this was a very good piece you put together here and I look foward to seeing more from you....RTF in Sig...plz


    Battles I need closed

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    ___________________
    OMHOF x1
    If I voted in your battle or left feed on your OM plz RTF

    Open Mic's


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    L.S.
    N.A.
    M.C.

  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    nice job man, good piece, can tell u took some time with the tool in ya hand thinkin about it, lol, but over all u covered all basis of a OM.
    OPEN MIC
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    BATTLES

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  12. #12
    Can't teach you my swag! D. Josey's Avatar
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    thanks for the exxxsttennivve feeed. yeah right.

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