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Thread: A Stroll In The Park...

  1. #1
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    A Stroll In The Park...


    Phade= BLACK
    Silent.= RED
    ..IllThoughtz…=WHITE


    A stroll in the park


    I See


    A thousand faceless soldiers, lined up in rows
    A thousand heartless reapers, their voice the shriek of crows
    A thousand Wingless doves limpet to their death
    A thousand Withered World Eroding until there is nothing left
    A bird that mocks and hocks the dawning of the day
    The same bird that stayed afloat a drowning of sorrow; dismay
    Smothered and left trampled; the heart is left to bleed
    The greed of hunger mourns over the creed on sanctities of poverty
    I've reached ground break; the set of the sun sleeping
    The cries of pitiful hunger as I walk my insides leak the bleeding
    A thousand meaningless souls, connected as one
    A thousand still in a row, meaning no one cares of this gun
    A thousand voices in mumbles, this is charity to me
    A thousand more bullets to go, so i caress the gun GENTLY

    The messed and mangled condemned with hours to spend
    but not a thing to do ; eternal flames so hard to comprehend
    Angels falling left and Right, Daggers of light upon the unknown
    Hate rises like a rose and poisons the taste of love, its corpse Wind blown
    Chimes of the whisper carousel through these emotions
    placing them in fear and anger, dipping them into the lonely ocean
    pleading them of mercy; slaps of a gore spear and pin
    paintings of lustful barracks turn to ashes and blow away with the wind
    Rubik cubed icing topped onto this Armageddon
    Peeping toms see through the cracks of the ground with sins imbedded.

    Late days and early graves cometh in times perennial endurement.
    From the darkest of dims to the hymns encompassed by abhorrence.
    Evil spawns cloaked with Death's remedy, armed with scythes bitterly-
    Sins' accomplish and manifest sporadically through nights epiphany.
    Slowly my eyes demise; benches bend on woes of pain
    Rain stumbles on down from the heavens; bitter enrooting of the devils name
    The dominant sequence blows gusts that shrugs the trees
    Leaving chaos and massacre behind; demolishing all there is to see.

    Giftless hell's through shiftless spells dwell Earth's core here and now,
    As spirits vow great allegiance to those who have witnessed tales.
    Fallen foes, Valiant armies arose where those chose to impose goes.
    Laid deep beneath the Earths turf, soiled within the surface folds-
    Tarnished sounds of anguished souls sing songs of temperate woes.
    One hell of a promenade, one End after the other flows,
    ..........In the dark........

    -It all ends as a stroll in the park.


    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  2. #2
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  3. #3
    Aka WestBank Leonidas's Avatar
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    good drop...All three sections(ppl) flowed ok good together, there was a lil room for improvement, but it was good...A little more emotion would have added some more to the drop as well...Flow was good all the way thru execpt on about 2 lines, other than that, it was all good...not really much else to say...Just dont use such big words, and try to make it go deeper into the plot
    RB OG Triple OG

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  4. #4
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    ^^

    koo koo.....
    this is by the way a FREEVERSE!.
    but word man thanks!
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  5. #5
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    Flow was good all the way thru execpt on about 2 lines
    lol...nice one West...

  6. #6
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    ^^
    see what i was saying!..lmfao....just messing!
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  7. #7
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    bump city...

  8. #8
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    i think i should say this...








































    BUMP!
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  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Rise.

  10. #10
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    bump?!.
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  11. #11
    Chop Chop Axe.'s Avatar
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    damn bump
    CΛVEMEN
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  12. #12
    Chop Chop Axe.'s Avatar
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    damn you all feed on this i think its pretty dope
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  13. #13
    Is a ninja Lauren.'s Avatar
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    idk why this is getting slept on cuz it's dope. The three styles were very different but they complemented each other nicely. The flow was a little bit different in each section which kind of threw me off, but the imagery and emotion more than made up for that. I liked the use of metaphor throughout this piece, and although I couldn't quite see the theme throughout, the end brought it back nicely. This had a good level of complexity and vocabulary, and the structure worked out. Overall this was a great read

  14. #14
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    deff agreed wit fiya it was definitly hot expecially 4 a free verse i thought it read mor like a poem though but def keep it up hottnes all round

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  15. #15
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    thanks.
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