A Relationship Story : Teen Love.

[Tragedian.]

-Boy.
-Girl.

Teen Love.

"Girl in my dreams you're all I see...
........Same here I can tell we we're meant to be"

There's going to be lots of twist and many turns
I know it's going to burn; it's her I insist to earn

"First date leans in to meet her lips...
As she greets, He goes in repeat
My heart you can keep give a sweet grip."

Her kiss I can't resist, No matter what I come for more
Life with you I want to explore trust, I'm ready for war
You can leave my heart sore, promise to hold you steady
Already I'm deeply in love & can't get up girl it’s to heavy
Give a sign if I have to girl; take my time to make you mine
Rewind to when we combined, admit our hearts have intertwined

“I want to spend my life with you…
……This feels so right it has to be true”

Through thick and then left to wonder when
This flick would give in & let the love begin
I’ll stick by your side my feelings won’t hide
Here want the truth you’re healing my mind..

“It’s been awhile smile; but I think we need a break…
….as his heart shakes, he thinks he made a mistake”

What did I do? After all we went through, who would’ve knew…?
I stayed true, my goal almost pursued & that was to be with you
Can’t believe you left my heart shattered,beaten,bruised & battered
My heart splattered & us not scatter why leave me abused do i even matter?


“I lost my only thing I had on this earth…
…Time to take this twist for what it’s worth”

[Tragedian.]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=315348
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...13#post5265313
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...53#post5265353

[Engivale]

I think all teenagers have to write about love before they get into rapping. Noone seems to be able to get over these first girlfriends. Guys growing up in this day and age, I think we need love so badly that we just try to find it in any person we can, and the women are actually so much more emotionally strong at that age, they can end it when they see the guy getting clingy and "spend-my-life-with-you" kind of stuff going on... some high schoolers actually fuck up and make the mistake of staying with eachother at a point in their lives when they're ignorant, insane, and still developing a brain... your brain does not physiologically, much less emotionally, mature until you are like twenty or twenty one, sometimes later, once in a while a little earlier.

Anyways, keep writing, your mind is gonna be going in fits with the girl shit for a while until you start to really appreciate yourself... it's not selfish to come to terms with only needing yourself. Once you can do that, you can be a lot more reliable to someone else... you don't want to live a JOINT life, you want to live seperate lives that can come together for moments/events of happiness, while not interfering with eachother's goals, thoughts or opinions.

That rant aside- nice verse and rhymescheme. I just always try and put a little philosophy on my young brothers upset about love cuz I was the same way, heartbroken and all that dumb shit, and wasted too much time and energy on it during my teens and first couple of college years. Good luck, little soldier.

[Tragedian.]

It's not about me it was for a topical battle lol^but thanks for the advice.

[Engivale]

you'll go through it =D

Just some preparation. You'll still think you're in love though, nothing can stop that but logic, which doesn't rear it's ugly head during teenage love, sadly..

[Phoenix.]

nice use of directions to create imagery and it flowed wellthe only thing that could be better was the vocab but it's not really too important in these types of topics..

my fav. verse was -

Her kiss I can't resist, No matter what I come for more
Life with you I want to explore trust, I'm ready for war
You can leave my heart sore, promise to hold you steady
Already I'm deeply in love & can't get up girl it’s to heavy
Give a sign if I have to girl; take my time to make you mine
Rewind to when we combined, admit our hearts have intertwined

overall Dj A nice peice and a good read

[Saga.Net]

this was a very good drop from you sir..nice work...it seemed like the shit really did happen to you though lol...good emotion...I still cant figure out why you picked pink for the color scheme though...nonetheless good ass drop son...keep it funky dawg...oh and meh at the half assed feed i just gave but you know....shit happens...lol

[Tragedian.]

Thanks.

[Personal.]

topic's played but I never get tired of it ur structure and wording was good ur whole concept was ight and the way you finished it with the sucide was a bonus good work keep it up

[Kenmar Bankhead.]

nice peice here man. really nice emotion. kinda played topic tho
constantly good flow and nice rhymes. good multies here and there
nice imagery throughout and overall just a nice peice. good job
keep it up.

[<Supreme>]

this is a good piece..
the rhyming is complex with multiple rhyming on several lines. the story is also good, but slightly rushed at the end, but however this is good as it helps to show anger and emotion.
keep up

[Tragedian.]

Thanks.

[Amor Jones]

-Boy.
-Girl.

Teen Love.

"Girl in my dreams you're all I see...
........Same here I can tell we we're meant to be"

There's going to be lots of twist and many turns
I know it's going to burn; it's her I insist to earn

"First date leans in to meet her lips...
As she greets, He goes in repeat
My heart you can keep give a sweet grip."

Her kiss I can't resist, No matter what I come for more
Life with you I want to explore trust, I'm ready for war
You can leave my heart sore, promise to hold you steady
Already I'm deeply in love & can't get up girl it’s to heavy
Give a sign if I have to girl; take my time to make you mine
Rewind to when we combined, admit our hearts have intertwined

“I want to spend my life with you…
……This feels so right it has to be true”

Through thick and then left to wonder when
This flick would give in & let the love begin
I’ll stick by your side my feelings won’t hide
Here want the truth you’re healing my mind..

“It’s been awhile smile; but I think we need a break…
….as his heart shakes, he thinks he made a mistake”

What did I do? After all we went through, who would’ve knew…?
I stayed true, my goal almost pursued & that was to be with you
Can’t believe you left my heart shattered,beaten,bruised & battered
My heart splattered & us not scatter why leave me abused do i even matter?


“I lost my only thing I had on this earth…
…Time to take this twist for what it’s worth”

DJ this was a predictable ending. kind of like romeo n juliet. but i hate suprises so this was dope 2 me. it hit close 2 home also..not the suicide part but the teen love part. everyone has been in love atleast once n they'll do nething for that person. i like yo emotion n this piece. overall this was not quite HOF but it was still nice

[Forum]

another good read from Dj.... This piece containd a lot of emotion...it was worded good. and the vocab fit well...minus the typos and grammatical errors...this was a good read..I see you opened up your syablle count as well adding more words to the line...nice....The topic I felt was mehh....but you did your thang wit it... this was nothing spectacular but it wasn't bed at all....overall this was a good read...Dj... I think your the most consistant O-M dropper...Kepp it ^

[Tragedian.]

Thanks.