Front Lines Championship (Topical): Baron P. Mortuus (C) vs. Thomas

[SmokaJoka]

Agree on your line limit...
Verses will be due by Friday midnight pacific...
This battle will not be polled...but it will count towards your points in the rankings...
If you no show...I will delete every goddamn point you have on the rankings and you will start over at zilch...
Good Luck....and drop dope
New rule...pick your topics...


Topic(s) :
Renditions Of Reality
Honor
Nothing's Left




http://img100.imageshack.us/img100/2...copyqw3sn1.jpg

[P. Mortuus]

Yup Yup Check

[Messiah.]

Wordizzle, Goodluck sir.

[P. Mortuus]

My Rendition of Reality: It’s a play

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/8572/stagepf0.png

“An artist who renders his painting does it so for praise
A musician who renders another’s work does it for tribute
But when God rendered us. he rendered us as a punishment”

A heart beating behind a padlocked cage namely ribbed & boned
Skills owed to a being never known, honed his life as he homed
Dark & desolate stark realities create pessimists, preaching alone
Cold men deviate the foam of pleasure, their heart turned to stone
Phone God on 333 but why not phone his double on 666, queue cut
Tricks subdued the papier-mâché again glued, a stripped clay hut
Housing artilleries of tricks and taunts that hurt the frail boys bones
Over dated moans dormant in crusty shells passing in Hades domes
Bursting bubbles & shooting storks with embryos dead and loaned
Given as presents once sealed by Mr. Deaths bargain boot car deals
Haphazard and hapless a happy man given least success he owned
His word & dreams; auctioned & thrown at the bidding devils heels

“Life is precious, have you not heard of the Sanctity of life”- A higher being

“I bid 20 cents” – The American President

“I bid 20 pence”- The devil

Lost in translation, sly devil slyly bought a body from a broke being
Omnipotent & All-seeing, the Lords sits & watches the play screening
Demeaning dolls put on displays for window shoppers to drool over
Blind man watching obscene material reading the bible, plus a clover
He puffs out from a weed sprout sold to him by a local dealer from hell
Straw tube filled with leafs & soot only believable by the sense of smell
A boxed world in which many wonders live only to be shut back down
A crying clown & a dying deity, a play see & he’s just the stage hound
Never the lead role, so he made us the paper where his ideas ground
…..….We act he watches, we fail & the reaper puts on his night gown

New Production: Freedom of Terror

[Messiah.]

Extension please, pak has already offered it to me and i need to take it its only a couple more hours because i have been madly rushed *even though ill still be rushing come dropping time lol* but ill show.

[Messiah.]

Best i could do in the time i had.

Nothings left.

Uneeded Redemption, pathological disease.
Distilled revenge, impossible to appease.
Corpse's not cold, unfolding temperament.
Alone in the dark, and irregular content.
.
Taken away with no warning.
I've surpassed emotional breakdown.
Life filled with disheartening mourning.
But uncannily renown.
.
Wrong state of mind, brings uncontrolled aggression.
Emotional depression, but showing no signs of regression.
.
Chasing invisibility.
Murder in mind.
Feelings of hostility.
To which my hearts refined.
Revenge tastes sweet.
When malice reigns supreme.
Until certan replete.
I long to here him scream.
When someone takes all you have.
You notice what you become.
Until i am appeased.
Well then i cant succumb.

[P. Mortuus]

Nice rhyming..up^..G/L.

[P. Mortuus]

Yes now votes would be great na mean, leave links they will be returned by either one of use no doubt.

[Constance]

Dam both was exeptionally well written, in all honestly i wan't to give this the best review that I can,and im affraid at the moment I can't due to an death in my family, when im a little more calm i will deliver an critique worthy of this peace, im sorry i just got anlot on my mind right now.

[P. Mortuus]

No doubt Family matters are much more imortant, stay up^

[Vikkie™]

This was awesome, no matter if it was rushed Thomas. Paka, your wordplay was simply amazing...I wish I could write like you. Anyways, your imagery was good, structure was nice and your flow was awsome. You stuck to your topic and overall everything went good. Here's my favorite lines:
Phone God on 333 but why not phone his double on 666, queue cut
Tricks subdued the papier-mâché again glued, a stripped clay hut
That is easily the best line from a topical I've seen in a while. The wordplay was supurb and the "333" and "666" made everything sound realistic. Overall, this was awesome Baron, keep writing.
Thomas:
I can tell your verse was a bit rushed, but nonetheless it was still dope. I liked how you used short lines and everything still flowed. Your wordplay was dope also, and your imagery was great. Here's my favorite lines:
Revenge tastes sweet.
When malice reigns supreme.
Until certan replete.
I long to here him scream.
The wordplay and structure here was awsome...very interseting to read.
Overall, I loved both of your verses, very interseting, which makes it VERY hard to choose, but I think Baron won.
Vote-Baron P. Mortuus.
Peace.

[Raw Reese]

Hmm, interseting battle, but my vote goes to Baron

Baron, i really liked the way you showed your topic on a more realistic yet imaginatinal ground, i liked the 333, 666 thing, that was smart thinking
Phone God on 333 but why not phone his double on 666, queue cut
Tricks subdued the papier-mâché again glued, a stripped clay hut
^^Easly my fav line outa all, there were alot of good lines to choose from but i feel that one just brought it out more

Thomas, i could easly see the rushed writing, it showed and hurt it alot, yet you came pretty smooth, and creative, i liked the non-stop flow of rymes, that really brought up your score...

Ovarall though, Baron came out with a better verse

[P. Mortuus]

Thanks.

[Engineer]

First of all, I would like to say congratulations to the both of you for getting this far. This was always going to be a great battle, no matter who came on top, it still would've been a crowd pleaser.

Baron, what can I say, you came with something unique. I have never seen anything like it on RB before. The intelligence, and creativity which is portrayed throughout your structure won this battle for you. Not only that, but you came with literate vocabulary and an easy-going flow. Yet through all this detail, you always came through with some passive multies. Kudos to you

Thomas, you too also came with a great verse, rushed, but still a good match-up. Your simplistic flow kept your piece on point, and allowed me to read countless amounts of lines, without feeling bored, or the urge to stop reading. You introduced some nice vocabulary, along with a more flexible structure too. Well done also

This was a very well thought, and fought battle, but I'd have to say Baron won this. A piece such as the won he has just put together, shouldnt go under the radar, it was just... different, yet in a good way. Great job to the both of you, and I'll be looking forward to the pieces you'll be posting in the near future.

Vote: Baron P. Mortuus

Peace and Cheers

[P. Mortuus]

Yup thanks Theory. Stay up^.