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Thread: As I Stand...

  1. November 3rd, 2006, 03:35 PM #1
    Don Luciano
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    As I Stand...

    As I Stand

    As I stand..you take my hand
    That's the first step to being a man
    At first, it might be hard to understand
    But killin' a man, with your own bare hands
    Job well done now you on the run
    In Shakespeare they call it a pun
    First time I saw you I knew you the one
    Sold to the devil you remain his son

    I kill people at random
    Use sledgehammers an smash em
    Fuck love, I kill with a passion
    All these visions clashin
    In an orderly fashion
    Collect all my dreams and bash em
    Picked up a knife I started stabbin
    Past out, woke up dunno what happened
    As minutes passin, the time is lastin
    Pick up a gun, now its my heat
    Thats when victims, arose in the street
    Frolick the night scene, killin beats
    Rape legal teens, in their sheets
    Cleaned up the crime scene, made it neat
    I've moved on, i kill by contract
    Death is promised by instant contact
    Use my crobar, and then I beat that
    Your my target, to state the fact
    Or use my sniper, aim at exact
    Bullets dig holes, deep my impact
    Carry handguns, in my backpack
    I kill people get money stat!
    Now for my actions, I'm thrown in jail
    Left their to rust cuz I have no bail
    Lifes just like a fairy tale
    So I will tell the rest...it was hell


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    Open Mic's


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  2. November 3rd, 2006, 03:46 PM #2
    Chris White
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    Cool stuff here. Not ery hard rhyme scheme, but simple is not always bad, as seen here. I don't think that this AMAZING in any way, but I do applaud the effort you put into this and I must say for a newb at topicals....you're not bad....just work on your basics (multies....rhyme scheme....etc...) I also think your storyline and topic idea are very boring/played out if you will....just work on that too....keep at it though!

    -Cornea
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  3. November 3rd, 2006, 03:55 PM #3
    Don Luciano
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    thanks for that man....anymore feed?


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  4. November 3rd, 2006, 04:31 PM #4
    Don Luciano
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    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=314183
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...61#post5258061


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  5. November 3rd, 2006, 04:31 PM #5
    Chris White
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    Feed on my piece called "99 Leaguers Under The Sea"
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  6. November 3rd, 2006, 04:34 PM #6
    Don Luciano
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    ok will do man....and thanks for the feed from before...also if you want hit up my sig and help with voting on my battles...two topical and one text..plz/


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