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Thread: SS: Connection - Poor to Bad

  1. #1
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    SS: Connection - Poor to Bad

    Connection - Poor to Bad

    He sits on the same corner daily - rethinking his past,
    children pass, and blurt insults, he feels harassed
    yet they pursue to rinse and repeat, always a laugh
    and this is what leaves him gassed, to finish his task
    not knowing the man, with words they continue to poke
    and one kid stands out in the crowd, and begins to provoke

    one, two
    he can't buckle his shoes
    three, four
    without a house not a door
    five, six
    watch him pick up sticks
    seven, eight
    now see 'em lay them straight
    nine, ten
    the barrels on fire again


    and I feel bad for this man - he's not in good condition
    yet he strives on emotion, and thrives on one mission
    not restricted to limits - or bound to opinions
    he just watches as these little devils help his transition
    he doesn't realize what he's got - a talent of value
    a paper covered in rhythm, and a mind full of clout too
    not using it to it's advantage he still lays on the bench
    and he's bullied daily, by a kid who's barely ten
    with words too pathetic to be uttered, he is damned
    when the child shouts in disgust - and bewilders the man

    he's the spawn of the devil, the worst of the wretched
    the man with no plan, and he's got horrible credit
    he lives down the street, in the park near my school
    and everyone knows this man - was always a tool


    in response the man stands up
    and shouts . . .
    . . . "put your hands up"


    and the boy replies

    we do this everyday, why change the routine
    why try and stop me, why create a new scene
    get used to it beggar, no one cares for your words
    and no one will care if you die tomorrow, ya heard

    again he responds this time he looks determined
    to make it stop and if it doesn't, the priest says the sermon

    kid you've tortured me too long, maybe more than a year
    and not once have I retaliated or given you reason to fear
    but this is last straw, I promise if you make one more remark
    that tomorrow will be your last day in this park


    are you kidding old man, you are a puppet
    you're attached at the strings, and I love it
    you can't harm me or scare me, I've got nothing to fear
    'cause if you lay a hand near me, the police will be here


    . . . The next day

    The crowd reassembles - like normal they walk
    and as they pass you hear the boy start to talk
    everyone throws in an insult, and then they're on their way
    until the man rises from the bench and has one last say

    "This old man, he played 10
    he played click, click with his pen
    click, clack, scribble that - write yourself a note
    and watch this old man slice your throat

    This old man, he played 9
    he played click, clack just in time
    click, clack, breeze is back - button up your coat
    so you can hear the story, this man wrote

    I'm the old man, and I played 8
    when I played it, it determined my fate
    it went drip, drop, down the drain right before my eyes
    and ever since that day, I've been waiting here to die

    When it first happened, you all saw me play 7
    I played it on the seventh day, praying to go to heaven
    and my will was stripped, snapped broken into pieces
    as I lay in this park and my anger increases

    Then the other day I played 6
    when I played it, I was picking up sticks
    and you laughed and insulted, and made me feel bad
    but I still accepted failure, like an under-grad

    and yesterday, was the day I played 5
    and while I was playing, little timmy stopped by
    to shout profanities, as always in my direction
    so today is the day, that I take out all my aggression"


    timmy stood in the center, and the children gathered round
    to hear the rest of the story, and it's magnificent sound
    and the man said ...
    "you can make somethin from nothin, if you work hard
    but remember timmy, I said you wouldn't get out of this park."

    "So today is the day, that I'm playing 4
    and knick, knacks not my game anymore
    so I'm back to click, clack, and timmy your first
    now take a step back, if you don't want blood on your shirt"


    The man opens his coat and pulls out a gun
    and this game of click, clack has just begun

    "Now children, watch, as I play 3
    tick, tock, gun cocked, say bye to timmy
    he's the reason I'm like this, so I'm sending him home
    knick, knack, bullets dash and we watch timmy groan

    See it's time to continue, so I'm playing 2
    clip, locked, re-cocked now it's time to get rid of you
    I'm putting you all down, to raise my spirits once more
    boom, bang they all drop and he reloads once more"

    This, old, man. He, played, one.
    He played knick, knack, with his gun.
    With a
    Click, clack, barrel snap
    bullet to the dome
    this old man
    came rolling home.
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  2. #2
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    Last edited by Steven William; October 30th, 2006 at 04:36 PM
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  3. #3
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    wtf bump
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    haha...dis is purely a good story...it kept me reading to the very end and i still want more....yo you used very good details and good choice of words in this...for some reason that click clack came to life on me...cuz i could hear it in my head...lol...this is most definitely a great read and whoever doesnt think so is bonkers..had a couple multies at the beginning i saw...overall this flowed very nicely and the topic was very original...good stuff here sir....
    when u get a chance plz feed "Understanding The Unknown"....

  5. #5
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    bummp, people that leave links will get feed from me.
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  6. #6
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    bumppp leave links
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  7. #7
    you caught my attention from line 1 your wordplay was great ya story whuz like one in a movie i like how you took the nursery ryhme and twisted it to your advantage a great drop eager to read more.....
    HOFFA............

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...20#post5254520
    Last edited by Jhonny Cash; November 2nd, 2006 at 12:04 AM

  8. #8
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    bump, I'll hit links tomorrow after school.
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  9. #9
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    Re: SS: Connection - Poor to Bad

    dun dun dun
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  10. #10
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Re: SS: Connection - Poor to Bad

    You've got to be kidding me man, this is from BC.

  11. #11
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    Re: SS: Connection - Poor to Bad

    A dope piece though.^

    Yeah you had a great topic and brought it to life with clear as day imagery and well-worded vocabulary, the incorpation of the old school rhyme at the end was clever and a good way to progress the plot of the piece. It was a little long, my attention wavered in places but you held it for about 90% of the time. The plot twist was clever and there something in it for a rhyme writer to relate to. Good work man.

    Keep posting, cheer for the rep.

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  12. #12
    :.Swagger Found.: Uben. Sonned's Avatar
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    Re: SS: Connection - Poor to Bad

    I dont know what this "BC" is.
    All I know is that the ending to this OM was amazing, in this peice it shows how one can only take so much pain and abuse before suddenly snapping.
    Your flow in this was very good, Every line I read held me within grasp as I read it.
    Vocabulary was good, the imagery was very well done. It showed emotion.
    Topic was original and creative at that, the Oldschool Nursery Rhyme again at the end was incredible.

    Good write.

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  13. #13
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: SS: Connection - Poor to Bad

    This piece reminded me of Nate Dog's Mary Mae. But when I read it, I got a Eminem/Mike Shinoda flow/feeling with this. Real nice flow and rhymescheme man. I loved it. The concept also was real dope... I started to get an adrenaline rush after awhile. The whole knick knack thing went real well with it too. The last two stanza's flow fell a bit off to be honest. But it was still pretty dope for a read. Imagery lacked a bit, but emotion stood up to the plate constantly. Wording was nice.. keep writing man. I liked it.

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