The drug dealler

[Mad Hatter]

my mind is clouded by these subliminal thoughts/
got me goin insane fellin down and distrought/
cause when you liven the life of a drug dealler/
you worst fear is to git caught/
runnin through da back streets/
wit some pigs chasin ya so close dat you can hear the rhythem of they feet/
so dats why I tend to pack heat/
and if a bitch don't pay his ass gits beat/
cause I cant handle da police/
they'd send the whole squad after me/
cause we've done met previously/
and I'm not necesarily on they A-list B/
so now I'm sittin here propped against a wall/
waitin fa da customer to give me da money for dis bong/
and sure enough out of da clear blue/
here they come cuz a mothafucka done snitched fo some tennis shoes/
so I drop da shit and haul ass/
fuck goin to jail cuz a bitch put my name on blast/
I can hear em callin me to stop and freeze/
but one of them shits so fuckin fat he cant even breath/
so now I take out my 9/
and shot a couple of times/
but now if they catch me I'll be in jail 20 to life/
but fuck it I don't care/
hold on.. wait a second I caint breath/
I look down at my chest and I'm startin to bleed/
but I don't stop I keep runin/
guess someone takes aim before they start gunnin/
my pace slows now/
everything is gittin darker now/
I aint gonna go out this way/
so I turn around and squeezed the trigger/
BLOW!! BLOW!!

[C.Wrighter]

ok this was just like...meh meh cause you used ---> / dont use that it messes up ur pice and ur topic name is played should of re-named it diffrent so it could have a diffrent meaning but stay up and look at others pices you can only get better

read my OM in my sig...

and yea...you aint bad just need betta structure and style to ur peice and you gone be ok


and put up ur 2 links

[Bing]

meh thought the content was pretty poor . . .the whole '/' is annoyin . . . rookies use that . . . not really fascinated by the whole drug dealer/gangsta personna . . . .but if thats ya thing then coo' stick at it . . . .

if you can return feed on story 2 tell

[>Inertia>]

boring. nothing new in terms of content, I mean, its all been done a thousand times, match that with simplistic rhyme scheme and simplistic vocab, and writing style, and you got something uninspiring and boring to read. Work on shit and write some more.

[Carbon 15]

Dats da shit rite dere I can relate to. I like dats shit

[DaMicSnatcher]

I liked the imagery in this....it was descriptive but I feel it could've been deeper...ya kno like with more meaning behind your lines, not just retellin a story with rhyme..but idk it was good though..keep writin..hit up my OM's please

[nolonger]

Closed

read the rules

No links.